#aka jim's not good very bad day

[guy-in-a-scarf]

Screenshot redraw for the funsies

[hollowblxxd]

Its been one hell of a long time since ive rambled about something so heres my rambles on mouthwashing and how i think everyone kinda seeing some stuff wrong.

This is mostly a focus on the situation between Anya and Jimmy unfortunately, and also my opinion on Curly and the innocence he has and the weight he carries. I understand the game doesn't go in depth on what happened between Anya and Jimmy but I think the subtle-ness of the games speaks more volumes than any dialogue. Basically in my head, given how Anya acts around Jimmy, I think the truth behind what happens its more long-term. That they were "together" in obviously a very abusive way. Jimmy constantly gaslighting, belittling then lovebombing, etc. etc. manipulating Anya into believing she had to be with him. I think the "one worse monster that doesnt define us" is the one moment in the relationship where Jimmy "took it too far" (the SA and possibly threat with a gun). I remember seeing another post of Curly being a metaphor for the future baby they would have together and seeing how Anya acts literally seems like a timid broken wife of an abuser. She too scared and guilty to work on the child she hates looking at and Jimmy is "forced" to do it, continuing to berate her for "not doing her job" (aka being a nurse OR being a mother.) I feel like that alone tells you how their relationship is. Anya isn't just a one-time victim but a LONG TERM VICTIM of the constant mental, emotional AND physical abuse at the hands of Jim. It doesn't wipe clean the one thing he did because they were "dating", Im not at all using this as a justification for anything at all but I suppose Im putting it in prespective. Because it leads into my next part with Curly. Everyone doesnt know what to think of Curly, good bad, whatever. I remember I was also mad to when I first found out about what Jimmy did and I was in fact mad at Curly for not doing more. But then I genuinely thought about it. Imagine you are literally hearing this for the first time, imagine you didnt even know Anya and Jimmy were "in a relationship", imagine if you did know they were a thing but didnt know what was going on behind closed doors, imagine if this was a one time event and the person you thought you knew was actually just a bad person. Imagine. Having not even a DAY, A DAY TO PROCESS THAT. Imagine if you had your own mental disorders that making it hard to process heavy emotions and now your stuck with this and you dont know what to do Imagine. Thats what Curly had to go thru. I understand why people are mad that Curly didnt do more, but in the end I want to personally believe that it such a complicated situation. That Anya and Jimmy seemed like they were on good terms, that maybe they were okay but they werent because behind closed door or when they were alone, Jimmy was eating Anya alive like some predatory parasite. Its a lot to process and Curly didnt have time to process it. He didn't have time to process that his friend was a monster, that his crew was unsafe, that HE had bad judgement, that maybe HE TOO was a BAD PERSON for NOT SEEING IT SOONER. Sometimes bad things happen and you dont know and you had to hold that guilty forever. Curly isn't a bad person, hes jsut a PERSON, a person going thru and being the sole person responsible for a LOT of literal possible blood on his hands. Hes trying so fucking hard to tread this all lightly to protect everyone. I don't think at all that Curly was trying to protect Jimmy. I think he was trying to protect his crew. Hes trying to be a good captain and sometimes that doesnt mean just fucking putting an axe thru Jimmy's head. Anya doesnt need to see that, Daisuke doesn't need to see that, Im sure Swansea would have volunteered but Curly wouldnt want to turn Swansea into a fucking MURDERER after all the years he spent being an honest man. Anya is already guilty and broken, Daisuke is innocent and young, Swansea is trying so hard to be on the good side of life. Curly is delicately balancing EVERYTHING. ITS ALL ON HIM HE TOOK THIS RESPONSIBILITY AND IT HURTS.

[nightmare-foundation]

Hero/villain batfamily swap AU

Okay so I really wanna infodump about my au that I've recently made, which puts the batfamily in the Gotham Rogues' places. I haven't thought through all of them yet, and I haven't accounted for all the batfamily (i.e. Kate Kane, Luke Fox, etc), but this is what I have

The Rogues

Bruce- The Penguin

Dick- Two-Face

Tim- The Joker

Stephanie- Black Mask

Damian- the Demons Head/Ra's Al Ghul

Barbara- The Riddler

Duke- Mr. Freeze

Cass- Lady Shiva?

The Heroes/good guys

Jason- Batman

Nightwing/Robin I- Jacob 'Jake' Grayson

Red Hood/Robin II- Thomas Grayson

Raven/Robin III- Jonathan Crane

Spoiler/Robin IV- [name] Brown (she hasn't been named yet, but she's Stephanie's daughter!)

Robin V- William Todd

Black Bat- Rose Wilson

The Signal- TBD (feel free to suggest ideas)

Seer- James Gordon Jr.

Harvey Dent

Edward Nygma

Jack Napier

Oswald Cobblepot

Waylon Jones

Jervis Tetch

Basil Karlo

Admittedly, the ones I've thought through the most are Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian. Some characters i haven't thought much about at all or I have an idea of what I want them to be (like Harvey having a role similar to Jim Gordon, or maybe Edward works with Lucius?).

BUT- this is an au where an outside force fucked with the timeline (haven't decided who/what or how) and, after regaining their past timeline memories, the batfamily (now Rogues... except for Jason lol) have to work together to figure out how to fix the timeline. The problem being their current states make that task much harder than it'd usually be, especially with their current history with each other, even despite their memories returning. So there's a whole slew of issues, not just internal, but with each other and dealing with heroes. And they have... very complicated histories with each other.

I'll explain a few of them under the cut :)

Dick Grayson aka Two-Face

What differs in this AU is that Dick is, of course, never taken in by Bruce and is instead passed around from abusive foster home to abusive foster home in Gotham. Thanks to a mix of the circus having been not a safe place and the abuse he endures in foster care, Dick develops DID, BPD and OCD from the trauma. He grows up with a close friend in Jason Todd, and while they separate for a while (Jason going to train to become Batman, Dick going into law school), they come back together as adults.

Dick becomes a lawyer because Tony Zucco had used legal loopholes to get out of facing the consequences of murdering the Flying Graysons, and Dick fully intended on trying to fix the legal system in some way and to try to prevent something like that from happening to others. At some point, Dick ends up having 2 sons, Jake and Thomas, who are 8 and 3 respectively when Dick eventually becomes Two-Face.

Since he's very close to Jason, he's actually aware that Jason is Batman. When Dick gets more unsatisfied with the justice system, he joins Jason in crime fighting as the vigilante Robin. Unbeknownst to both of them, Two-Face (not yet called that, but i haven't thought of a name yet lol) is not only unsatisfied with the justice system, but also how Jason and Dick fight crime. (Two-Face believes in the anti-hero kind of lethal justice. No, he's not 'evil')

One day, I imagine something happens and Dick, in his civilian form, tries to defend someone from someone else, but the fight results in the attacker slamming a glass container full of acid into Dicks face. This is obviously deeply traumatizing, and not only that, it solidifies Two-Faces belief that vigilantes should adopt a more lethal form of justice.

This is, obviously, how they become Two-Face :) they're deemed too mentally unstable to care for their two sons, so Jason is the person who takes them in and cares for them.

Jason Todd aka Batman

Honestly, I haven't considered exactly how he gets the idea of becoming Batman, but I'm considering that the catalyst is similar; he witnesses his father's murder. Essentially Willis got on the bad side of some mob boss and gets killed in front of Jason and Catherine. Eventually, after that, Catherine succumbs to a drug overdose.

Jason grows up close to Dick, with them supporting each other throughout their childhoods and helping each other escape foster care. Eventually Jason comes under the care of Oswald Cobblepot (who is the surprisingly kind but tough CEO of Cobblepot Industries) after attempting to steal the CEOs tires. Through him, he gets into training, and he supports Dicks lawyer endeavors financially.

After he comes back from all of his training, he refamiliarizes himself with Gotham and then becomes Batman. There's a lot of stuff he's way more lax about than Bruce is, like killing or temporarily working with criminals if it yields better results, but he still has his limits.

Jason also has his own Robins, but his relationship with them is far more healthy.

Tim Drake aka The Joker

Tim wasn't actually all that unique prior to becoming the Joker. He grew up in and out of boarding school with somewhat absent parents, in a middle class then upper class household. Tim became a photographer and journalist as an adult.

How he became the Joker is simple: he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because of who he was, he was framed, and dropped into a vat of acid.

What came out just... isn't Tim Drake anymore.

Misc.

This is essentially what I have for the others that I haven't fully figured out yet:

-Duke becomes Mr. Freeze not long after his parents are hit by a lethal form of Joker Venom. He keeps them frozen so that they stay alive while he tries to search for a cure.

-Barbara becomes the Riddler not long after Jim Gordon dies. There's a bunch of stuff that causes her to go villain mode, but her father dying is the catalyst, or the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

-Damian is not centuries old like Ra's is, but he is on the older side (50s? Maybe older?). Really, a lot of characters are aged up lol. He is still related to Bruce and Talia. He has kids too! William (<- placeholder name, I'm having trouble naming him, I might give him a name that reflects his heritage. He's gone through several iterations already LOL) Todd is his grandson.

-Edward Nygma works under Lucius Fox and helps make things for Jason! He also totally makes escape rooms on the side. Cringefail malewife vibes, as he should always have

-Harvey Dent has a role similar to commissioner Gordon, though I'm debating if he's actually a police commissioner or a Private Investigator.

-James Gordon Jr. Is Seer, and i imagine part of the reason he became a vigilante was to prove people's assumptions of him wrong. He's physically disabled (not sure how yet, but he uses forearm crutches) and is diagnosed with ASPD. He works as a hero both in the streets and behind a screen. I'm not sure yet what kind of day job he has tbh.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e1 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post bc i've already watched the whole thing. not quite a liveblog bc it's one post and it's probably gonna take me a full hour to get through a 28 minute episode at the rate of pausing and typing i'll be doing

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

anyway, pirate time:

i love how much fun con is having choking on his own blood

dream!stede's extremely teary face right before he takes off running down the beach is doing psychic damage to me

also dream!stede's stupid ridiculous outfit with all the long ribbons and shit...

ed and stede make contact so hard shjfkhsgjkfd the loud OUGH sounds from both of them

also the return of ed's old beard! i didnt expect to see her at all this season, so that was a surprise.

"babe" "love" im tearing out my own hair

stede has yet to learn that ripping ass near your beloved can be a love language

stede is a terrible fucking roommate just deal with wee john's gas in silence like the rest of them. goddamn.

WHO HAS THE OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH TRAMP STAMP. WHO IS THAT.

i like when the background OST is familiar to me lol the little strings when stede starts his letter throwing me back to s1

olu: that–that's the swede the swede: Im the swede roach: he's single ;) me: *pissing my pants with laughter*

also the direct confirmation that the swede literally doesn't have a name. incredible

shjkfhdhfkj the crew encouraging him. stede's "it's okay" and roach "be brave" im CRYINGGGGG

stede doing customer service is something that can be so personal. "reservation?" "eat my fuckin' shit" "right! walk-ins, then" average restaurant experience

the random background guy saying "my favorite hand!" abt getting stabbed in the hand is making me giggle. i love the humor on this show

why does stede have so much shoulder movement going on when he's walking through the bar. whore behavior.

"this is for mom!" sorry but i want to know more abt whatever's going on there

also the purple mohawk. dope.

buttons is so distressed LET HIM RETURN TO THE SEA THESE CONDITIONS ARE INHUMANE

"i know the odds of you finding this are slim but so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place" IM RIPPING OFF MY OWN SKIN

also stede's lil sad hopeful smile after throwing the bottle... i care him

i love how they make this wedding fucking suck so we don't feel too bad abt the whole massacre thing. "the natural condition of humanity is base and vile. it is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves, to elevate the common human rabble through the sacred transaction of matrimony" if i was at a wedding and the officiant said that i'd also start killing people probably

yayy murder montage :)

FANG BREAKING THAT GUY'S SPINE OVER HIS KNEE

the whole cake scene is so fucking funny im sorry. i love u jim drawing the line at attacking a shitty wedding. i love u archie who wasn't here for the good old days so you dont really see a problem with how things are. i love u frenchie with ur box in ur brain that u never open again. i love u fang it's gonna get better i swear. i love u frenchie again bc u just took the cake right out of fang's hands while he was fucking sobbing hfjhgkjhdkjkf

I MISS IVAN JUSTICE FOR IVAN. wish they could've said he'd just fucked off somewhere instead of dying but i think that would've raised the question of why hasn't anyone else fucked off since they all seem so miserable

very relieved that stede isn't taking the racist/antisemitic caricature drawings of ed to make like a boyfriend scrapbook like some people were theorizing. would've been overkill if after episode 4 from last season stede still didn't realize that ed hated these sorts of depictions of him.

INTERESTING DETAIL THO the background music in this scene is "a pirate's life" aka the song frenchie sang in the pilot. it's an instrumental version obviously but yeah i recognize that tune

also more cool background ppl with dyed hair man i love this show

zheng yi sao flirting with olu is so good. he deserves it.

how nice of ed to offer his drugs to the crew. sharing is caring.

also it's so funny to me that the thing izzy is tormented by is ed saying "you can't do the job, someone else will" the toe thing's happened three times and apparently that was fine but the thing the show edits together right before izzy breaks down into the most pathetic aheemheem whimpers isn't any of that it's ed threatening to fire him

also they cut ed throwing knives at izzy!! what the hell.

releasing the clip of izzy crying kinda ruined it for me when it came time to watch it in the show bc i watched it several times since it dropped and now seeing it in context i was like "ok i've seen this already fast forward." i mean i didnt fast forward through it but i did kinda zone out bc i've seen this bit already. this post kinda sums up my thoughts on it

"trifling ingrate plan" dshkjfshgdskhfjkhgkjh

"SEMI-CLEAN WATER"

JACKIE CALLING THE SWEDE "BOO CAKES"

"i know that guy we had breakfast together!" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh, okay" i fucking love this whole dynamic like i can tell they're writing the swede out of most of the episodes for budget reasons (sorry nat faxon) but by god do they give him such an excellent fucking send-off. can't wait to see him again when he's in his trophy husband number 20 era

roach is upset abt not being able to cook, buttons is tied up so he doesn't go running back to the sea (i assume). stede you are not giving your crew the environment they need to thrive.

olu being an optimist :)

buttons opens his mouth to drink the rain and in the background u can see roach yanking the rope around buttons back fhdjskgfjhgkjfh STEDE YOUR SEA WITCH CANNOT THRIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS

stede tries to make things sound good in his bottle letters to ed but out loud he says his actual insecurities... it's so fucking tasty tho that he thinks ed could be doing better without him and THAT'S why he's been stalling so much. not afraid for his life even a little bit he just assumes he's not wanted. brb i have to cry now

"im sorry if that's a little bit creepy" "you are creepy" in this scene where they're soaked from the rain. ofmd said this prince ricky guys is creepy and wet.

stede's fucking FACE when prince ricky says "you're my hero" his fucking "clearly you dont own an air fryer" face I CANT STAND HIMMMMMM (affectionate)

prince ricky "these rubes" "men of our standing" yeah i cant fucking stand this guy (derogatory) i love how he's barely even in this episode

stede's face when the swede is talking abt how happy he is with jackie... my man believes in love so much im gonna cry

also in what fucking way does the swede owe them a life debt. roach and buttons literally tried to eat him

izzy's "you know me better than anyone knows me and i daresay the same about you" this is literally so false i dont even know where to begin. izzy in e6 being like "if i didnt know any better i'd think maybe ed might possibly maybe be actually enjoying bonnet's company" while ed and stede are giggling and making each other friendship bracelets. this guy doesn't know ed at all.

also i cant get over how izzy wont make eye contact he's like staring blankly into the middle distance delivering these lines so flatly until he goes to say "i have... love for you" and in that moment he looks like he'd rather ed were feeding him more toes.

"im worried about you, we all are" not gonna lie my dude you've had a weird way of showing it thus far. where was all that worry when you told him he was better off dead than wearing a robe and singing songs?? where was that fucking love then?

and NOW izzy wants to talk it through. izzy literally voted to make blackbeard great again and now he wants to give open communication a chance???

lmao there's a limit to how many characters can be in a bulleted list so here's fucking. part two. on the same post:

ed asking everyone if the vibe is poisonous and fang cant stop crying and ed's face is just like "eh good enough" im fdhksgfkjtdkh

anyway ed with a loaded gun under his chin talking to himself is hurting me so fucking much actually. ed my beloved babygirl for whom i would die. this poor traumatized man. yes he is making this workplace toxic as hell but god. GOD. im gonna throw up.

the way ed is so fucking casual about shooting izzy in the leg. just calm and jovial as he promotes frenchie to first mate. stepping over izzy all crumpled on the floor. everything about this is so fucking good. i mean it's horrible for ed and everyone around him but for me watching the show this shit is DELICIOUS. i love when the pirates get violent and unhinged i love when this shit gets fucked up. ed's mental state is so bad right now and it is causing me severe anguish but also it is so tasty. fuck.

anyway frenchie trying to turn down the promotion fhjkghdfjkhf

the cut to the swede performing the husbandly duties is INSANE. COMPLETE TONAL WHIPLASH. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

"fuck those hammies up!" spanish jackie i love you

black pete why are you so fucking loud AND WHY WOULD YOU JIX IT LIKE THAT???

why is prince ricky so small. he's like a full head shorter than stede. also this guy is insufferable i love how stede just fucking abandons him fhjkgdhkdfghkj

"the calf muscle is the most mysterious of alllll the muscles" what the FUCK does that even mean. oh swede i will miss you

NOSE REMOVAL FUCK YES. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

obsessed with the swede playing dumb. the dramatic gasp. "wow, so bad!" fhjsghdkjf

"aint you that soup bitch?" "im the money bitch" i love women.

sfdsjkh spanish jackie being into double-crossing. and slapping the swede's ass on the way out. i love this show

i love how zheng says "this much indigo is worth three times what i paid" while spanish jackie and the husbands are still like, right there. and they just don't hear that bit. incredible.

OUGH the back of jim's weird rope armor looks like a ribcage that's so cool

i love how jim is so fucking bad at telling this story. i love how the monkey's paw comes into it. i love fang asking them to do the voice. i love archie trying to hold back her laughter i love jim and fang giggling together I LOVE THIS SHOW

ed's fucking voice breaking through his whole convo with frenchie. im tearing out my own teeth

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE POST-CREDITS SCENES IN THIS SEASON?????????? WHAT THE HELL

i take back what i said about jim being bad at telling this story their version is so much fucking better. squeaky voice "I pray to you, Dark Lord, to make me real flesh! I want to be real flesh!" IM FUCKING OBSESSED. JIM I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

[sectumsempress1]

Good Omens Season 3: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Sectumsempress1, Hag

I am once again going through my Good Omens season 3 predictions bingo and explaining why I think the things I think. Today I want to talk about Metatron's memory meddling, or more specifically why I think Aziraphale is the Archangel Raphael and why I don't think he remembers.

Once again, I know I cannot be the first person to think of this theory. I'm just adding my two cents. Here we go.

I know there is a fairly popular theory that Crowley was Raphael before the fall, but putting aside the fact that it simply wouldn’t work for television to give them a name that similar to Aziraphale, I just disagree with that assessment. I like to think that Crowley was Jophiel before they fell and Aziraphale’s original name was Raphael. 

I think we can answer this theory very quickly by noting that in The Book of Tobit, Raphael disguises himself as a human on earth, acting as a healer and guardian under the name Azariah. I honestly just think that Neil and Terry took the name Raphael and his human name Azariah and landed on Aziraphale. 

Furthermore, Raphael (“God has healed”) is literally the archangel of healing. He is also known as the angel of protection and keeping people safe on their journeys. God gives Raphael a mission in The Book of Enoch, verse 10:10 to:

“Restore the earth, which the [fallen] angels have corrupted; and announce life to it, that I may revive it.”

Aka ‘thwarting evil wiles.’ In The Zohar it’s also stated in Genesis chapter 23 that he: 

“is appointed to heal the earth of its evil and affliction and the maladies of mankind.”

If I were to go over every single instance of Aziraphale fitting the bill for these descriptions I would be here all day, but some I can think of off the top of my head are:

Giving Adam and Eve the flaming sword to assist them on their journey

Healing Anathema’s broken arm and bike

“Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual- [thwarting of evil wiles]”

Fixing that man’s phone in the graveyard in Scotland

Insisting that he wants to heal wee Morag  

Protecting ‘Jim’ 

This stunning scene in the Job memory: 

He is very clearly shown as a healer, protector and guardian of humanity, more so than any other character. 

Raphael is also known as a matchmaker, which is funny when you think about the Nina and Maggie situation but also makes total sense. Aziraphale loves love. Also he blows the trumpet to announce the Day of Judgement, aka the second coming. I guess Metatron needs Raphael back now huh? He even told Aziraphale himself that he is the only one qualified for this job. Aziraphale is Raphael. 

Or… he was.

I believe that Raphael was demoted following the fall, and Gabriel’s story is meant to mirror his. This scene says SO much: 

“You have refused to exercise your celestial authority, and are henceforth removed from office”

I think something similar absolutely could have happened to Raphael. We all saw how immediately drawn Aziraphale was to Crowley in ‘before the beginning,’ and it makes sense that Metatron could have seen that connection as a liability when he fell. He cannot have an Archangel in Heaven who is sympathetic to one of the fallen, it would be a ticking time bomb for another revolution. Aziraphale being sympathetic towards Angel!Crowley before and during the fall would make him question the fall as a concept, and Heaven could not afford that.

“For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story, for it to happen twice makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem.”

I think the first prince of Heaven Metatron is referencing to is Crowley, and I think he had this same mindset of making sure there was no perceived institutional problem during the time of the fall. So I think that is one of the reasons why Raphael wasn’t cast down; it would look bad. I think the other reason is; Metatron wanted him and Crowley separated, even then. Even then there was some glimmer of their potential combined power, the love and danger that could be born by having them both in the same place with neither of them on Heaven’s side. The most logical option would be to cast Crowley out and make Aziraphale think he deserved it. Because Metatron is smart. He knew that keeping an angel like Crowley in Heaven—an angel who unapologetically asked questions and wasn’t afraid to go against the status quo, even before he fell—could only end badly. The smart move was to keep an angel like Aziraphale on—an angel who wants to believe, who needs to believe, that heaven is fundamentally right and good—and feed into his faith by manipulating his fear. 

(Editing to add- it’s presented as an either or. We will not send you to hell, we will wipe your memory and demote you. We will do A or B. This is why I think Gabriel’s story mirrors Aziraphale’s more than Crowley’s, because being cast down to hell and having your memory wiped was never on the table here. It’s either or.)

“Although as a kindness, your memory of your time as Gabriel will be erased. You will be demoted.”

“As a kindness, your memory of your time as Raphael will be erased. You won’t remember the Starmaker, you won’t remember the fall, you won’t remember the injustice. All you will remember is the war, the divine plan, God’s will and your undying faith to carry out that will. You will remember what not doing so costs, but you will never remember why. All you’ll remember is that you had better not ask, because look where that got the others. Oh, and you will be demoted to earth. You will not remember the incredible power you wield as an Archangel. Because if you hand power like that to someone with a powder keg of repressed questions it may spark an explosion, and we cannot afford that. Not again, Aziraphale.”

Now I want to talk about two specific scenes that relate heavily to this theory.

Before The Beginning

I think this memory has been altered, and there are two ways of looking at it.

Aziraphale remembers it just as shown on screen. 

But in Eden he genuinely seems as though he is meeting Crowley for the first time, and then when he introduces himself as ‘Crawley,’ Aziraphale consistently messes up and calls him that even after he changes it to Crowley. So I can deduce from that that if Aziraphale had known Crowley by another name for millennia before Eden he would very much struggle with remembering to call him Crawley to begin with. The fact that he doesn’t struggle at all makes me think that it truly is his first time learning this person's name, his first time meeting them.

Aziraphale does not remember this moment, it’s only shown to the audience for a season 3 payoff. 

But during the confession, Aziraphale says “like the old times, only even nicer.” re: Crowley becoming an angel again, which implies that Aziraphale remembers ‘the old times’ with him. He also says “I know the angel you were” during the Job scene. 

We are at a bit of a dead end here… or are we? A possible solution is that Aziraphale does remember ‘before the beginning,’ but that memory has been altered to remove Crowley’s involvement, à la Frozen (“I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic, to be safe… but don’t worry, I’ll leave the fun.”) The ‘magic’ in this instance being anything that would paint Crowley in a sympathetic light and the ‘fun’ being the actual events that transpired. That would also explain why he remembers it the way he does, aka why Crowley’s angel name is omitted and why he introduces himself as Aziraphale and not Raphael, but he still recalls the actual string of events. Because Aziraphale can’t just have large gaps in his memory. He has to actually remember the cold hard facts. Metatron is far too refined of a villain to leave holes in his soldiers’ minds, especially giant star-shaped love holes. Where was I going with this? Okay anyway…

So when Aziraphale says “like the old times, even nicer” he is not specifically referencing the Starmaker scene, but instead a more general ‘memory’ of Heavenly life, which makes total sense considering Aziraphale’s apparent blindness to the true detailed atrocities of Heaven. All he sees is the big picture anyway, that’s all he’s ever seen. Because… ‘even nicer’ ??? What do you mean NICER? A bureaucratic job will be nicer than watching the being you love build a universe?? Okay. 

Same goes for “I know the angel you were” from the Job scene. The wording is important here. He didn’t say “I knew the angel you were” or “I knew you in heaven.” It feels like he is a step away from saying “I know of the angel you were.” Which, in the context, makes sense. He is trying to use a personal plea as a last-ditch attempt to get Crowley to do what he thinks is right, he is not reminiscing on their time as besties. He’s already cycled through:

“You don’t have to do this!”

“You have free will!”

“I don’t think God wants this!”

“I don’t really think you want to either!”

And when Crowley asks “what do you know about what I want?” in that bitter tone, Aziraphale reads it as an in. He thinks a personal plea may be the thing to get Crowley to stop, so he uses it. It’s a tactic.

With all that in mind, I believe ‘before the beginning’ to be an altered memory. I believe that Aziraphale remembers the creation of the universe in general terms but does not remember the Starmaker or the feelings that were already beginning to take root inside of him. 

In The Beginning

I believe this to be an authentic memory, and if you look hard enough (aka are delusional and also insane) there are clues to support my ‘Aziraphale doesn’t remember' theory, starting with their first meeting.

Aziraphale does a few confused double takes (which, sure, could be interpreted as ‘oh fuck it’s you’ but I am choosing to not see it like that :)) and then politely smiles and laughs at what Crowley says before asking for clarification. This is absolutely giving ‘awkward first meeting with a stranger’ energy and not ‘oh fuck it’s my old bestie who is now damned.’ This is not a face of recognition, even fearful or reluctant recognition:

This is very much just giving ‘who the hell is this?’ Especially because it is then followed up with:

Aziraphale flat-out does not know who that is. He even closes his eyes for a second in what looks like confusion, as if he’s trying to remember. As if he’s trying to look where the furniture isn’t. And if I think he’s confusedly pursing his lips for a millisecond as if he wants to say a J name that’s my damn business.

They look sorrowful. I don’t know how I didn’t catch it the first few times I watched the show. This is the face of someone who just slithered up to an old friend and started having a chat as if it was the most natural thing in the world only for that friend to have no idea who they are anymore. Even as their face moves into a smile, it’s not real.

Babygirl looks like he’s experiencing the most haunting, ancient melancholia behind those lovely snake eyes. It’s actually quite striking. David Tennent you are on my hit list.

Anyway Crowley then goes on to question the ineffable plan in a way that’s very reminiscent of ‘before the beginning,’ which I believe to be intentional because they remember, and Aziraphale doesn’t. So Crowley is thinking to himself that maybe Aziraphale’s memory could be jogged with familiar behaviour. 

Crowley also goes on about the flaming sword, which I believe used to be theirs when they were the angel Jophiel, so the emphasis on it makes sense. 

They really said “what the fuck did you do with my sword?” But then when Aziraphale says he gave it away we get the most genuine display of emotion from Crowley that he’s shown during this entire sequence. 

He is impressed. He is remembering the angel who refused to exercise their celestial authority and got his memories stolen as a result. They are thinking there may still be hope after all.

Okay now let’s briefly talk about why I think Crowley does remember. I feel like this is a pretty easy one to get through as there are plenty of moments where Crowley references heaven and the fall in a very clear way, some of which I will drop right here:

All well and good, but one big question still remains: if Crowley knows, why the fuck did he not tell Aziraphale in six thousand years?

Well… why did Elsa not tell Anna about her powers? I know this analogy is a little silly and trust me I’m losing my mind right now, but hear me out. Elsa doesn’t tell Anna about her powers because she thinks it's in her best interest not to know. She thinks that knowing will put Anna at risk and that she will be to blame for that risk. Now look back on Crowley and Aziraphale’s history, terrible communication aside, they don’t tell each other things because they both think that they can handle it on their own and they both don’t want the other to be in danger. They both consistently hide important and dangerous things from one another. For example:

Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale about the Hell Hound for 11 years

Neither of them realised that both of their team of human agents were Shadwell’s men

Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale the details of his execution

Aziraphale didn’t tell Crowley that he met Shax on the way home from Scotland

Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale that he got dragged to hell and offered a promotion from Beelzebub

Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale about The Book of Life threat 

You get the point. It’s a pattern. And the details of the fall, stories from their distant past… these are lethal pieces of information. And we have to remember that both of them are essentially under constant surveillance. They never know when they’re truly alone or not, as we can also see with how much they side-step and rationalise their relationship away. They are both constantly terrified. Why would Crowley share information like this when they know how the acquisition of knowledge ended for the last group of angels? After all, Aziraphale wouldn’t like it in Hell.

Now there is also another very plausible explanation: Crowley is simply assuming that Aziraphale already does know and is following his perceived unspoken lead to never discuss it. Which again makes sense considering how fragile every aspect of their relationship is. It’s largely unspoken with a shared handbook of unspoken rules that they use to maintain the little bubble of companionship that they’re permitted to have. They have presumably never had a real conversation. So when would this ever realistically come up?

In conclusion, I need a lobotomy. But I want this to be true so badly as it does genuinely make sense in my sadly un-lobotomised little brain. As always, Neil Gaiman, I am in your walls. 

[melvisik]

Aziraphale's Choice aka If this turns out to be too controversial, I'll take it down...

Since Good Omens season 2 dropped, public opinion of Aziraphale has pendulumed from frustration to sympathy in a matter of days, and it’s completely understandable. At first, most of us were more than likely experiencing the same as Crowley in that moment – that sinking feeling of ‘Oh god no, no he didn’t. This cannot be happening. Aziraphale, please be smarter than that.’ We were devastated, we were angry, we were disgusted at Aziraphale’s choice to essentially abandon Crowley. Justifiably so, to be honest.

Then came the switch, when we got a chance to breathe and realize that Aziraphale’s actions weren’t entirely unreasonable. He wants to make a toxic environment a better place, not just for humanity, but for Crowley as well. While he does still tend to view things too much in black and white, it’s no crime to want your world in a better state. And this isn’t as if Aziraphale is losing Crowley forever, at least not in his mind. Come Hell or high-water, Crowley always shows up again. Especially if there's even the slightest chance Aziraphale's walking into a risky situation.

Though this time just might be a step too far... However, another argument has often been made that I'd like to emphasize here: Aziraphale is, essentially, in a cult. Now it's a cult of a different color to be sure, as he hasn’t been forced into performing lascivious acts, or tortured, or imprisoned (as far as I know…), but he has been an integral part of an organization based around a single theological/idealogical idea - that his every waking moment should be dedicated to serving the will of an ineffable Higher Power, without question or complaint and in complete accordance with the demands of his superiors. In short - he's got major religious trauma. Getting out of a cult is frickin hard. (So much respect and support to those who have broken out of cults, and to those still trapped, I sincerely hope you find your way and peace someday.) Aziraphale has the idea of the righteousness of Heaven ingrained into his very being, and that can be extremely challenging to let go of, even if you see the consistent wrongness right in front you. Aziraphale sees it as being problematic because of some systematic flaws.

Crowley on the other hand, who has been literally rejected and hurt from this organization, sees the system itself as inherently flawed. Ok, you know what? Let’s go for it and use a plant metaphor, because this is Good Omens and it’s what we do: Aziraphale sees the tree as being sick because of a few bad apples, but he is attached to that tree. Crowley is already off and sees the tree as being rotten at the root; he's ready to sprout his own roots and be his own tree. Aziraphale is situated and comfortable in his environment, while Crowley is more or less accustomed to being displaced. For instance, Crowley loses the flat, but they take their plants with them - Crowley takes care of them, giving them what they need to survive (though they don’t exactly let them be ‘lazy’ about it).

Aziraphale keeps his bookshop and takes care of books, which requires considerably less effort. And although Aziraphale eventually leaves his books, he’s going back to a familiar environment under the banner of improving it. In Aziraphale's mind, Heaven still represents all the good deeds humanity chooses to do, even if Heaven and humanity have shown very different brands of ‘goodness’ (and a worse kind of badness when it comes to Hell for that matter, humans doing something so much worse than Hell could have imagined). And of course going to Hell would be bad since they're the bad guys (I mean, completely ignoring Beelzebub as another demon capable of love, but who's counting?), but Heaven is a different matter, right? There are people like ‘Jim’ and Muriel who seem well-intentioned, so it can’t be all bad, can it? It can be fixed, can't it? An interesting question that many people asked in the first season – does Aziraphale realize that Armageddon, the War between Heaven and Hell, means that he’ll probably have to kill Crowley? Or at least that Crowley very likely will be killed, since he’s so sure that Heaven will win? Besides this part…

…it doesn’t seem to register in his head. It could be argued that even Gabriel and Beelzebub seem to acknowledge this, not wanting to start up another Armageddon and risk destroying each other. But why not Aziraphale? Sometimes, Aziraphale reminds me of the kind of person who smiles at you and goes, “You don’t seem like such a bad sort, it’s such a shame you’re going to Hell. I’ll pray for you.” *cough*Iforgiveyou*cough* You know who sounds sorta like that?

As I said, cults are difficult leave. They’re often even dangerous and vindictive towards ‘deserters’ (Book of Life anyone?) Aziraphale does need to finally see the light, but at the moment he’s so blinded by Heaven’s. The kicker is, it’s something he must want. Nobody else, not even Crowley, can make that decision for him. Crowley can't rescue him from this. Crowley can only help him, give him guidance or be there to catch him if he… well, hopefully metaphorically falls. This has to be Aziraphale’s choice. But we all knew that. So...

It’s just hard for him, y’all. P.S. There's so many beautiful analyses on Aziraphale's choice, but one I would highly recommend (it's also a bit of a different take):

[grumpycakes]

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE VOTE 2, DISASTER BOOGALOO CONT.

OCTOBER 18 2023 • DAY 2 VOTE 2 • 11:30am

< Previous (day 1)

McHenry, interim Speaker, doesn't slam the gavel so damn loud for once!!!!

They have the Chaplin lead the house in a prayer. And like, she seems lovely, the prayer was fine. But the fact that we have a CHAPLIN SAY PRAYER BEFORE THE HOUSE COMMENCES A VOTE. WHEN WE HAVE A WHOLE ASS RULE ABOUT SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.

anyway

They are lead in the pledge of allegiance like goddamn children in US schools.

They do the WHO'S HERE, vote/buzz in to make sure they have a Quorum (aka enough ppl here to hold a legit vote of the majority of congress). There's a timer for the vote but it always runs out and sits at 0 for a few mins before they call it. It's strange.

433 are here, 212 Democrats, 221 Republicans, 217 votes for a majority, (Jordan can only lose 4 votes)

McHenry gives the SIDDOWN IT'S NOMINATING SPEECH TIME command. He had to call for the tellers like an annoyed teacher when the students they're calling aren't coming up. He is condescending and annoying to me.

SPEECHES

Mic Cole Republican Representative from Oklahoma

Talks about how he'd said the people who did this would cause chaos and uncertainty. And that he was proven right (loll you fucking said it dude)

He talks about how this garners finger pointing/blame/badmouthing between the aisle but that HE'S not going to (Very big of you, ur so good/s)

He's friends w Jim Jordan and goes into telling us how great and superspecialawesome Jordan is

When he mentions that Jordan has great personal integrity there are GROANS from the house. Damn

Says being the speaker takes a spine of steel (lolll idk if he's meaning this as a jab at McCarthy and spinelessness, but I love it)

Bullshit about Dems not helping out but that they shouldn't have to rely on them and that if you're a republican your choice should be easy (IT SHOULD, SO WHAT DOES THAT SAY)

Standard Republican BS on spending, border wall lies, racist dog whistles about illegal border crossing. Bad time all around

LOLL I realized Border Security is also BS so that's fitting

Says no one has done more for Border Security than Jordan ( first off, doubt it. Second that is NOT A GOOD THING)

Goes into Israel guilt trip

Says it's Israel's right to respond forcefully and gets a goddamn standing ovation (please stop glorifying war)

Calls on all Repub.s to use they're narrow majority to get them a speaker

CAN WE NOT UNITE CONGRESS ON HELPING A COUNTRY DO WAR????

Jim Aguilar Democratic Representative of California

Starts by saying he's here to nominate Hakeem Jeffries (bratty dems cheer about it lol)

Promises to make speeches shorter if this gets as ridonk as last time (can we start it now tho???)

Points out that Jim Jordan has had secret meetings and probably made back deals to get speakership

Points out that Jeffries has 212 votes, not technically a majority, but more than any Repub

Points out that Jordan denies the election of 2020, hasn't ever actually made legislation, or done like basic lawmaking shit

Warns of Jordan's extreme agenda of stripping abortion rights, gutting social security and medicaid/care, and his apparent willingness to not go after Jan 6 perps.

Calls out the Repubs for putting us through 15 days of chaos, and that 15 days is enough

Gets to boast about how united Dems are (very nana nana boo boo lol)

blahblahblah Jeffries, Dems get shit done standard shit

DEMOCRATS CHANT JEFFRIES FOR LIKE A MINUTE. Like I get it, but also ew

VOTING STARTS

NOTABLE VOTES

(key: * change in voting from yesterday | + same vote as yesterday)

Bacon - McCarthy + (Poor clerk has to pause to write McCarthy in)

Bilirakis - Actually votes today! Jordan *

Buchannon - Donalds * (OH he voted for Jordan yesterday!!! mmmmm two more and Jordan loses)

Buck - Emmer +

Chavez Deremer - McCarthy + (Lots of murmuring as I'm sure everyone is aware that Jordan has now lost)

Conolly - Says something about election deniers, votes for Jeffries, sounds like the Republicans didn't like it

D'Esposito - Zelden +

Diaz-Balart - Scalise +

Ellzey - Mike Garcia +

Ferguson - Scalise * (BRAND NEW DEFECTOR WEEWOOWEEWOO)

Garbarino - Zelden +

Gimenez - McCarthy +

Gonzalez (Tom) - Scalise +

Granger - Scalise +

James - Candance Miller of Michigan * (new suggestion, but he didn't vote for Jordan yesterday either)

Jeffries and Jordan get applause when they vote for themselves (rolls eyes into oblivion)

Kelly of PA - "Former Speaker of the house John Boehner" * (voted for Scalise Yesterday. Also that's how you spELL BAYNOR???)

Kiggans - McCarthy +

LaLota - Zelden +

LaMalfa - JORDAN * (Gets cheers for falling in line eugh)

Lawler - McCarthy +

Lee of NV - Jeffries but people cheered about it??? +

McCarthy - Jordan (Still gets applause about it but it's less than yesterday lololol)

Miller-Meeks - Granger * (NEW DEFECTOR WEEWOO)

Payne - MIA/Jeffries on recall but he gets claps about it??? +

Pelosi - Jeffries + (We... we don't gotta cheer for her every time do we???)

Rutherford - Scalise +

Scalise - Jordan (loll love that he's just like "I do not see it")

Simpson - Scalise +

Spartz - MIA/Actually Votes today on recall!! Jordan * (they clap about it)

Stauber - Westerman * (WHO THE FUCK?? New defector wee w-)

Tlaib - MIA/Votes Jeffries on recall +

Trone - MIA/Votes Jeffries on recall + (hey T Dems, get it together!!!)

VanOrden - Jordan + (HAS THAT ONE FAN CLAP FOR HIM ABOUT IT AGAIN. YEA JUST ONE DUDE)

Womack - Scalise +

McHenry calls them to order and then SHUSHES THEM, AGAIN LIKE AN ANNOYING TEACHER. YOU ARE GROSS AND CREEPY.

433 Present • 217 votes to win

199 votes for Jordan (OH SHIT U LOST GROUND)

212 votes Jeffries (Dems just gotta cheer about it like the petty assholes they are and deserve to be)

5 McCarthy (HA HA)

3 Lee Zelden

7 Scalise

1 Byron Donalds *

1 Mike Garcia

1 Candace Miller *

1 John Boehner *

1 Kay Granger *

1 Bruce Westerman *

(Some new names on there!)

No majority, no speaker has been chosen.

McHenry must be scarred from the back to back voting in Jan and AGAIN IMMEDIATELY calls the house into recess and the feeds cut.

IMPORTANT TAKEAWAYS/NEWS

As stated before NOTHING can happen EXCEPT to vote in a new Speaker without a Speaker appointed. And they're fast approaching the deadline for needing to have the budget done. So the Republicans basically have 2 choices.

1 Pick a different Nominee. Problem here is that there's enough far rights to stop the election of a Moderate/wiling to COMPROMISE AND WORK WITH OTHERS candidate. And there are enough moderates to stop the election of a super far right candidate.

Wee could be in a hellish limbo

2 Make a resolution w the help of Democrats to empower McHenry, Intnerim (Pro Tempur) Speaker, allowing him to oversee the budget shit and LET CONGRESS DO SOME GOVERNING.

Jordan got 4 votes to go to him he didn't have before, but LOST 5 VOTES at the same time. Jordan left everyone with the impression that he would be gaining votes. If he were a less power hungry fart, he'd step down, but he refuses.

Speaker of the house is 3rd in line to the presidency (so if Prez and Vice Prez get axed the Speaker becomes president). So it does make sense that some are fighting very hard to not vote in Jordan. However, trump and the MAGA bs has such a chokehold on the Republican base that the Moderate Republicans don't want to vote for a candidate not backed by trump. But like, what in the dystopian hell.

Jordan, to be taken seriously as a candidate, would have PREFERABLY won back votes. And while he kinda did, he kinda also lost one MORE than he gained. Amazing you failure party.

YES TECHNICALLY either 10 REPUBLICANS vote as present and let Jeffries get elected OR 5 DEMOCRATS vote themselves present adjusting the needed vote to 215 (which Jordan is still not getting). Again, Political Suicide, not going to happen.

Republicans were going to have a meeting at about 1 30PM EST.

A spokes person for Jordan said he's not STEPPING DOWN AND IS READY FOR A 3RD ROUND OF VOTING! (for the love)

Next vote to probably be held tomorrow about midday EST

Next Day 3 >

[adarkn1ght]

ahem *cracks knuckles* special interest rant INCOMING!!!!! This is long and confusing so bear with me guys (SPOILERS FOR ARKHAM KNIGHT AHEAD!!!!)

also this is only the basic lore so when I ramble about theories n stuff, they make a little bit of sense!

Arkham Knight is the third and “final” installment of the Arkham trilogy! Story wise, you don’t really need to play the past games to get what’s going on, but here’s a quick summary of important points anyways

Arkham Asylum - Joker takes over Arkham Asylum!! He plans to use special green juice (Titan, a variant of Venom, which Bane uses to get big and scary!) to create a big army but fails. He ends up injecting himself with Titan, though! During the story, Scarecrow attempts to poison the water supply with fear toxin, but gets mauled by killer croc. Not really in the game outside of silly little hints, but important to the lore— Warden Quincy Sharpe and Hugo Strange are making plans for a mysterious the Arkham City! Jason Todd (:D) has been missing for a while at this point and Batman has adopted Tim Drake as Robin.

Arkham City - Arkham City has been created! Inmates of Blackgate and patients of Arkham are all put into Arkham City as a means of… treatment? I suppose? The Arkham City project was advertised as a positive for the inmates and for Gotham as a whole, but obviously it was all an evil plan. Hugo Strange created Arkham City so he could put all of the criminals in one place to blow them up (he did this by inciting a riot and then starting Protocol 10, the plan to eliminate all inmates in case of emergency), but Batman stopped him! Meanwhile, Joker is dying from the Titan he injected himself with! He forces Batman to help him get a cure but giving Batman some of his blood, infecting him with the deadly disease. Batman finds the cure, but it was too late for Joker and he died. Even though Batman cured himself, something is still super wrong with him, something he wouldn’t realize until the events of Arkham Knight! Batman saves the day, but is changed by the Joker’s passing. Extra important lore thats not necessarily important to the plot but I think is important to the themes of the games - Talia al Ghul, Batman’s love interest at the time, dies at the hands of the Joker :(

Now onto Arkham Knight!!!

Remember Scarecrow? He’s back as the big bad and blamed Batman for what happened to him in the asylum! His whole deal was that he wanted Batman to suffer, so he held the city hostage with the help of the mysterious Arkham Knight! By threatening to release fear toxin, they force the entire city to evacuate, and the Arkham Knight brings an entire army to fight Batman! The first plan was to turn the Ace Chemical Factory into essentially a big bomb that would disperse fear toxin, but that didn’t work. When Batman got hit with the fear toxin, though, he started hallucinating the Joker! Dun dun dunnnn! Turns out, Joker has been kept alive in Batman’s mind because of the blood transfusion that took place in Arkham City (a little bit confusing, but Joker is actually very real in Batman’s head and is constantly trying to take over). Batman does his very best to ignore the Joker’s presence as he moves on to thwarting Scarecrow and the Arkham Knight’s next scheme, the Cloudburst. The Cloudburst is a code name for a tank that would disperse an even worse strain of fear toxin! Nothing could protect a person from the effects! BUTTTT, the Arkham Knight had kidnapped one of Batman’s allies, Barbara Gordon aka Oracle aka the former Batgirl! Unfortunately, Batman wasn’t able to save her :(. At this point, from Batman’s perspective, he has failed a LOT of important people in his life— Jason Todd, Talia al Ghul, and now Barbara Gordon and subsequently Jim Gordon, her father. As the game continues, Batman stops all kinds of crimes, but drives himself crazy with trying to discover the Arkham Knight’s identity. Why? Likely because he already had a good idea of who he could be based off of his impossible knowledge on everything to do with him, but he didn’t want to admit it. Batman isn’t able to stop the Cloudburst to stop exploding like he was able to stop the Ace Chemical factory from blowing up, though! Fear toxin covered Gotham City and Batman got another dose, which definitely wasn’t helping his deteriorating mental state. The only good thing he got out of trying to stop the Cloudburst was that he managed to scare off the Arkham Knight, who quickly stopped communicating with Scarecrow! With Poison Ivy’s help, Batman was able to neutralize the effects of the fear toxin, but he still had a bunch of criminals to take in!! First he went after the Arkham Knight, who had retreated back to the his headquarters. Before the final fight with him, it’s revealed that the Arkham Knight was… dun dun dun, JASON TODD ( :D )! When he was “missing,” he was actually being bullied by Joker in Arkham. Joker manipulated him into thinking that Batman ruined his life, so he wanted to get rid of him and become a better Batman!!! His plan was to get rid of him and then become Red Hood, but it didn’t work out that way and Jason fled before Batman could help him (Batman still cared about him, even though he did bad things!) Next Batman went after Scarecrow, but, another plot twist, Barbara Gordon was aliveeee!!! Batman and Barbara escape, but Jim Gordon doesn’t (he was taken by Scarecrow).

Brief break before the big finale— Deathstroke, usually known as Slade Wilson, has taken over the Arkham Knight’s army! He’s a big ole meanie, but Batman locks him up!

OKAYY back to the main story! Batman realizes that Robin (Tim Drake) had been kidnapped by Scarecrow! Scarecrow told him to give up his gear and turn himself over, basically. Batman doesn’t want to lose another Robin, so he complies. Scarecrow unmasks Batman in front of life TV and says a whole buncha mean things to try to break him, but it doesn’t work! In the finale moments of the game, Batman beats the Joker in his head, taking full control back of his body. Jason ( :D ) comes back as Red Hood and frees Batman, Batman beats up Scarecrow and locks him up, but he can’t continue being Batman anymore with his secret revealed.

He initiates the Knightfall protocol, which means he blew up Wayne Manor, faking his and Alfred’s deaths so they can live their lives in peace and so no one can possibly find out the identities of his allies. Super sad ending to a perfect game!!!! I love the Arkham games so much because I used to watch my dad play them alll of the time! They mean a lot to me!!! I don’t really identify with this particular version of Jason most of the time, but Arkham Knight is still one of my favorite characters ever!!!!

[dailycass-cain]

Cassandra Cain Reading Guide Part 4: Alternate Universe Cass

We've had DCU Cass. We've had Rebirth Cass. But what of Cass from another reality? Well, here's Part IV, a reading list of Alternate Universe Versions of Cassandra Cain!

Part I reading guide you can find here.

Part II reading guide (Modern) you can find here.

Part III reading guide (Random) you can find here. 

Part V reading guide (PAIN) you can find here.

Teen Titans #52-53

- Honorable mention to Titans Tomorrow Cass aka Batwoman, but-- she only shows up in three panels. She is Starroed like many Tomorrow Titans but does cry out to "Huntress" aka an older Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe who gets possessed first).

The curious thing about Titans Tomorrow Universe it is always in flux. Originally, her death (along with others by the hand of Duela Dent) caused the "bad tomorrow". Then the sequel well, cloning happened and Cass came back or the future still happened but now she was alive.

A further "revised" Tomorrow timeline shows up in Detective Comics #979 right after Titans Tomorrow Tim escape Jor-El alongside our Tim and then the two battle for a lengthy period in the present day DCU. #979 shows us the current variant of that future with Cass dying to Ra Al Ghul's hand. But-- we're told this by an unreliable narrator in General and Brother Eye.  As they say, Steph died too, but when we are reintroduced to this timeline (showing how Tomorrow Tim is snatched by Jor-El) she is very much alive.

-DC Bombshells Black Bat-

DC Bombshells United #8, #18-19

- We don't really get a feel for Cassandra's character in this. Other than we see her for a few panels and learn both she and Katana overthrew their corrupt governments and rebuilt them from scratch. Cass leads a group called the "Bats of Blood and Iron" and goes by the Black Bat moniker. 

She's not much a character in this, more a footnote in this story. I feel like if there ever was a spinoff series. We really should get to see Cassandra/Katana more do these things that are mentioned. But.. I probably doubt we ever will. Or amazing variant covers by Ant Lucia.

-DCeased- 

DCeased: Unkillables #1-3 

 DCeased: Dead Planet #1-7

DCeased: War of the Undead Gods #1-8

-  Though Cass doesn't appear in #1 and #4 of Dead Planet. Because the survivors don't come back to Gotham until #2 (when we see Cass again), and #4 (the journey to New Genesis). Cass shows up in #1 and #4 (War of the Undead Gods) so far. 

Unkillables features the first full-on return of Cass's Batgirl costume in over ten years (2009 was the last time she wore it). It also explores the complicated mother/daughter relationship of Shiva/Cass.

Something big happens to Cassandra in Dead Planet. No spoilers (save Stephanie, who's over in DCeased: Hope at World's End), you're just gonna have to enjoy the moment like we did.

A curious little fact is this is the first DC Comic that has a universe that has Cass and Babs both as Batgirl (An infected Batgirl Babs is shown in the original DCeased), and her body is found by Cass and Jim Gordon in Unkillables #1 with both mourning the loss of her.

DCeased: War of the Undead Gods has Cass in the issues throughout but unlike the prior series doesn’t have a key role. Save for two noteworthy things in #1 and #7. That and has an AMAZINGLY gorgeous cover in #6 (a 1:50 variant and good luck finding one of those).

Interestingly, Cass is one out of two Bat-Family members to survive DCeased. Sadly, there could’ve been ONE MORE survivor if only writer Tom Taylor could give us the answer to that. Perhaps one day he will answer that subplot since he hasn’t SPOILED it.  

- Amanda Conner Universe

Wonder Woman #600

Harley Quinn & the Birds of Prey (Black Label) #1-4

   - A DCU similar but different as husband/wife team of Amanda Conner/Jim  Palmiotti various DC books (Power Girl, Harley Quinn, Terra, Starfire, and suggestions related). 

If you were disappointed with the way Cassandra was handled in the live-action Harley Quinn and the Birds of Prey movie this comic gives us a more traditional Cass.

Not only does she steal the series from everyone, but there are exceptionally sweet moments in the final issue. A highly recommended mini to pick up! Cass embarrassing the Joker is worth the price alone!

It’s possible this story takes place either probably after Wonder Woman #600 (which also features Cass by Conner).

Future State 

Future State: The Next Batman #2, 4

Batman: Urban Legends #7

- Alternate future Gotham City where it is ruled tyrannically by a group known as the Magistrate. Rogues and Vigilantes alike are outlawed and hunted by the Magistrate’s chosen deputies and soldiers. Cass is the lone warrior who still follows Bruce’s ideology but is broken with Barbara missing and Stephanie breaking her heart (it is HEAVILY suggested the two had a relationship in this reality).To be entirely truthful, I was massively disappointed with this story. It was like being thrown into the middle of a story. 

Once again, we get Dick acting like a dick to boot.  “Hunter.. or Hunted...” on the other hand features Cass hunted by the Magistrate with exceptional art. Of the two stories THIS IS THE ONE TO READ. Even if it throws you again of not knowing what’s going on. At the very least “Hunter... or Hunted...” gives Cass more pathos and a better overall showing.

There are TWO more tales with this version of Cass in Future State: Gotham. But.. the only important things of those to note is the gorgeous variant cover #6). But please do avoid the other tale that involves FS Cass at the tail end of Future State Gotham. Unless you want PAIN.

Shadow of the Batgirl 

- Literally this comic other than the OG Puckett/Scott run is a remarkable tale that nails the character of Cassandra Cain perfectly. Like literally, you just want a complete origin and character study of Cass/ Why... why is it suddenly raining in my room again? This graphic novel is that good for long time fans of the character. Newbie fans might be interested as it is a one and done (so far). 

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures

Episode 1 "Moving In" (mentioned and acknowledges her adoption)

Episode 2 "The Last Cookie" (first appearance in the series)

Episode 5 "Arm Day"

Episode 7 "Vigilante Bingo" (mentions she's been Batgirl, Black Bat, and Orphan in this universe)

Episode 10 "Crush 3/3" 

Episode 13 "Stupid Traditions" 

Episode 14 "Unaccompanied"

Episode 15-16 "Family Ties"

- First Cass-centric arc in the series. Focuses on Cassandra's love for ballet, and Bruce trying to balance his life as a father and vigilante.

Episode 17 "Top Chef" (Thanksgiving episode)

Episode 19 "Bat-Cow's Day Out"

Episode 21 "Holiday Spirit" (Christmas episode)

Episode 22 "The Tournament"

Episode 32-33 "All Seeing"

- Second major arc focuses solely on Cass. The episodes showcase the many qualities of the character on why are a fan of the character. A good starting point for new readers on the character.

Episode 36-37 "Belonging"

Episode 48 "Shovel Talk"

- Cass and Duke centric episode with the family dealing with the possibility she has a boyfriend. Wackiness ensues.

Episodes 49-50 "One More" (mentioned only) 

Episode 51 "Night In" (Season 1 finale)

Episode 52 Assassin (Season 2 Premiere)

Episode 56 “Why We Fight Part 2″

Episode 57 “Picture Day”

Episode 61 “What Matters Most Part 2″

Episode 66 “No Doors Allowed”

Episode 67 “Branching Out” (Cass/Steph meet Harley/Ivy wackiness ensues)

Episode 68 “Thankful”

Episode 70 “Hunted Part 2″

Episode 72 “Snowfall Part 1″ (part one of Holiday episode)

Episode 73 “Snowfall Part 2″ (part two of Holiday episode)

Episode 78 “Outlaws” (slight tie-in to Red Hood: Outlaw spinoff webtoon comic)

Episode 82 “Sneak Attack”

Episode 90 “What I Want Part 1″

Episode 91 “What I Want Part 2″ (first appearance of David Cain in series, first full appearance of Cass’s Batgirl costume, origin of Cass in this universe.) 

Episode 93 ”Alarm Bells”

Episode 98 “Power Outage”

- Episodes 66-67, and 70 are the Cass-related episodes (so far). We get some amusing sister/brother antics in Episode 66 with Jason/Cass trying to impart their “wisdom” of dramatic entrances to Duke. Only for the later to give his own inclusion how make an entrance. 

Episode 67 has Cass/Steph are watching over a bedridden Harley Quinn and meet Poison Ivy. Amusing adorable hijinks ensue.

Episode 70 reveals Babs making sure Cass/Steph are in on her mission. Showing the trust and bonds the three have with one another. 

- Cass is mentioned in the spinoff series to WFA, Red Hood: Outlaws in episode 46.5 Like Son Part II, Damian records Bruce confessing and then hugging Jason that “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” To save himself, Damian says if Bruce does anything to him, he’ll tell Cass. Bruce relents. 

- Episode 90-91 is Cass’s first central dramatic story in Season 2. She and Damian run afoul of Mad Hatter who brainwashes her to attack her sibling. In part 2 we see Cass’s origin in WFA, as it uses Pre-New 52 David Cain (in his first appearance in the series). Cass breaks free and Damian/her share a cute brother/sister moment afterward.  

DC Vs. Vampires

DC vs. Vampires #2, #4-6

DC vs. Vampires: Hunter #1 (one panel)

DC vs. Vampires #10-11, #12 (in shadow)

- Cass is one of the few heroes in the DCU not taken over or killed by the vampires in this elseworlds story. Problematic art though for the main series sadly given the artist turned out to be very icky.

The writing is a mixed bag as well as Cass was a main character of the plot in the first half of the comic, before being dropped and randomly showing up in the latest issue.

One interesting tidbit of this version of Cass is that she moonlights as both Batgirl and Orphan (but only donning this identity with the Outsiders) in this universe.

Second interesting note is at the end of DC vs. Vampires #12, Cass is one of two people in the Bat-Family in #2 (the other being Alfred) to not have been killed or become a vampire. 

Steph and Helena are also the only other Bat-Family members to have survived as well being human. 

Young Justice

Young Justice: Targets #2-3

- Expands on the Cass introduced in Young Justice cartoon by revealing she knows ASL (I wish this was introduced in the main series). She has a few kickass moments in the comic as well.

However, she only appears in these two issues and that’s it. Only recommended if you enjoyed this version of Cass, and desire to see her storyline somewhat continued. 

Dark Multiverse

Tales of the Dark Multiverse: Hush #1

Batman/Superman Authority Special #1

Dark Knights Death Metal: Robin King #1

In the “Dark Multiverse” there have been three variants of Cass that have appeared. The most “prominent” one among them is the one in Hush. Cass, Tim, and Barbara go down a darker path as they openly rebel against Thomas Elliot and his iron grip over Gotham with not Batman or Bruce Wayne to stop him.

Cass’s costume is a mixture of her Orphan and Kasumi costume. We never get much of her codename as she’s quickly killed by the Gray Son (Dick Grayson who’s been recruited by the Court of Owls). It is implied that this version of her and Tim had a relationship as his name is the last word she utters before collapsing dead.

We’re teased another evil Cass (along with the rest of the Bat-Family) who is part of the Empire of Shadows. Lead by Ra’s Al Ghul (Bruce Wayne) the Empire has taken over their respective Earth and learns of the multiverse. We see this version of Cass once near the end as her silhouette is quite clear in the shadows.

The final Dark Multiverse Cass is the one shown briefly in Dark Knights Death Metal Robin King #1. As the Batman Who Laughs gives Robin King a tour of an Earth where he “tortures” numerous Dark Multiverse Batmen and the survivors become his minions. One of those shown bears a strikingly resemblance to Cass, but the appearance has never been confirmed. 

Injustice

Injustice: Year Zero #2

Though not fully appearing, Cass is namedropped in the prequel story to Injustice comics. It isn’t really known what became of this version of the character. But from the dialogue suggested by Superman to Batman, Bruce/Barbara having mentored her presumably as Batgirl (Babs is Oracle at the start of Injustice).

 Batman: Last Knight on Earth

Batman: Last Knight on Earth Book Three

- Cassandra was originally one of the survivors of Omega’s original assault on the world. She (along with the rest of the Bat-Family) changed their personas to resemble Owls with Cass taking a more Talon-esque costume as shown here (they believed Omega had tainted the Bat mantle/symbol at this point). 

We don’t know much else about this variant of Cass as she along with Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd, and Kate Kate all perish by Omega’s hand right before a revived Bruce Wayne shows up. 

But hey! Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon survive. 

..... 

Look I get it they live because they have a kid (who also lives). But it just feels so darn cheap to have the most of the “Bat Family” to die right before Bruce shows up.

It feels so wrong to me and just like a certain someone high up above this creative team had this wet dream to kill them all off to tick off fans. Well, congrats! It worked! 

Dark Knights of Steel

Dark Knights of Steel #6, 9

- No I didn’t forget this alternate Cass. It’s just that well.. we don’t know much fully about her yet save three things. #1 She’s the only Cass who was ever a Robin (a Robin in this universe are the “agents” who serve under Bruce Wayne (aka the Bat Knight) around this world. #2 She’s different then the rest of the Robins (as detailed in Dark Knights of Steel: Tales of the Three Kingdoms #1 they were all a crew of thieves until they caught the attention of Bruce but there was 0 Cass among them) in that we know next to nothing about her connection to Bruce here. #3 She’s placed in a position to free Prince Ka-El as she is the medical professional addressing his wounds but also keeping an eye on him.

Sure enough, she freed Ka-El to prevent the war between the three kingdoms. 

Batman: Knightwatch

Batman: Knightwatch #5

- This one just feels more like an Easter Egg than an actual reference. Though not with the Bat-Family, this Cass is just a normal little girl, who just happens to really like Batman and the Bat-Family. Probably the only normal Cass of them all. But the sass is still there with this one.

Harley Quinn: The Animated Series

Harley Quinn & the Legion of Bats #4-6

- So far recently introduced only in the comics. This Cass is unique among other variants being she’s the same age as Damian. There’s not much know about her yet. Save we know Vixen/Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) were working on a case together that involved Cass.

She bonds with Damian, who in turn opens up being ACTUALLY friendly toward her. This Cass also makes friends with Tiffany Fox (who was targeted in the series by Black Mask). 

Cass adopts her Orphan persona joining Dick, Damian, and Babs on a mission to stop Black Mask from taking over the Gotham Underworld while also having to deal with Poison Ivy and the Legion of Doom. 

After Black Mask is defeated, Wonder Woman is called in to escort this Cass to Themyscira. This Cass is second to one other variant that is raised by the Amazons (the other being the Dark Knights of Steel version).

[averywiseanimatedcat]

Rewatching Good Omens season 2 liveblog

Episode 3, ‘I know where I’m going’ Post 2

Previous post link (Post 1)

Crowleys lines in this flash back are top tier:

“You say potato, I say EXCELLENT.”

“BOudey snatchin”

David again killing it with the line delivery. I’m so glad he had an opportunity to really put his foot down with the Scottish accident in this.

*Aziraphale agrees that Elspeth is going to hell*

“Well it was lovely to meet you.”

Aziraphale you foul beast what was this. I don’t know how Crowley didn’t just award you top demon for this remark that was COLD.

Pffff Crowley walking along with the body cart in his hat just having a good ol time. Unbothered not-lad.

*cue moral discussion around good, evil and poverty. Again we see how Aziraphale is really unable to see things as morally grey. He thinks things are either good or bad and that’s it. He’s really out here calling Crowley evil when he’s busy skipping off excitedly home to write in his little diary every time he gets to see him???Aziraphale??? Look at yourself honey??? You’re simping again???

And his comment about poor people having more opportunities (to be good I imagine he meant) he probably was also referring to Crowley. As in Crowley is at the bottom so the only way he can go is up or he has more freedom to choose. Which is, objectively wrong, and morally very simplistic (and also wrong). I want Crowley to stand infront of Aziraphale and just say ‘you’re wrong’ in season 3 because I feel like no one has just said that to his face and he needs it.

Well we have to talk about the Bentley…he was having such a good time on his little road trip.

“Change it back!” 👹

“But it’s pretty!” 🤭

I needed Aziraphale being ridiculously sweet and funny in the present day to offset my annoyance with him in the flashback.

And here we have the second item on my list of ‘things I don’t care about’, directly under Gabriel:

Jacket AND glasses off in the bookshop, we really are in the end times because we get to see the swagger even more without the jacket. And his arm band thing. He looks so at home.

Also my child was a PHYSICIST he was part of the group that INVENTED GRAVITY. He clearly had his memory wiped after he fell and he doesn’t remember about why they made gravity I can’t stop thinking about how much he must have known about science and the universe before he fell. He probably wrote allot of that book we see in the first scene of S2 when he’s making the nebula.

The more I think about Crowley the more I understand him. He went from being a literal creator of the universe to a forgotten demon stripped of all of his accomplishments. He probably doesn’t even remember most of them. And he probably lost all of his knowledge about the universe and how it all works. He truely had his whole self ripped from him. And it makes sense why he doesn’t seem to have a hobby now, his thing was creation. And that’s not something he can just do or find a substitute for like Aziraphale can do his book collecting. And that’s why he’s so lost for a purpose. And why he’s so determined to stop the end of the world, it’s his creation, his life.

And I’m sad now so here’s the book throw aka. Comedy gold.

PLotTinG ‘vavoom’ he really just wanted someone to listen to his plan and if it had to be Gabriel/Jim then that’s who I had to be. He was just happy to have a job to do…that wasn’t throwing books around

When Aziraphale turned that body into soup and Crowley was like *DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND FACE*.

Crowley is truely, incredibly patient with Aziraphale. Crowley went out of his way to help Elspeth. And he acts like it’s because it’s wicked and honestly that’s probably half of the fun for him, but he could also see the genuine suffering and he wanted to help her. Funnily enough, if Aziraphale haddnt of put his nose in it Crowley could’ve helped Elspeth with 0 consequences because it looked evil. And I wonder how much he does ‘good’ things in a way that Hell won’t notice because it looks evil from the outside. I mean he’s been a demon for thousands of years? How’s he filling the time? Doing things like this? Aziraphale has caught him doing this twice now, doing ‘good’ things right under Hells nose.

Next post link (Post 3)

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

And I’m watching episode 3 now. Let’s see how this goes.

1.) Day IDK how many of me adoring Max and El. Should I support El spying on the boys? No. Do I support it anyway? Yes. I support girl’s rights and girl’s wrongs.

2.) Oh wait, I support the girls because the boys are sexist.

3.) Oh suddenly now Hopper knows how to apologize after barging into El’s room while drunk? Like literally this could have been avoided if Hopper had just encouraged her to have a social life outside of Mike, because Mike being her whole world was actually bad.

4.) Oh, I forgot they chose to spy on Billy at random and El is seen by him. Also it was definitely happening simultaneously with him sacrificing someone, probably the coworker but it’s impossible to know for certain at this point because you don’t see the girl whimpering and the subtitles only say ‘girl whimpering’, not a name.

5.) It is very difficult to tell if Will is a player in a campaign and is forcing Mike to run one or if he’s dressed as Will the Wise as the DM for some reason, even though that doesn’t make sense.

6.) Does Jim Hopper not own anything other than his work uniform?????

7.) Jesus Christ, Hopper couldn’t look past his own jealousy to listen to Joyce for two seconds until she said ‘what if it’s them?’ Oh wait nvm, he’s still being a little bitch. And this makes no fucking sense because Hopper was always the person who listened her the first two seasons!

8.) I would have walked out in the middle of Hopper’s bullshit too, Joyce.

9.) Poor Max thinks El accidentally looked in Billy getting laid.

10.) Nancy dismissing Jonathan’s worries makes me mad. The Byers family all has Cassandra complexes or something.

11.) The shitheads working for the paper all definitely suck. Also, how is Nancy Drew an insult? She was a world traveling and beloved detective who always saved the day and had two best friends. And she had a boyfriend I never cared about. I wanted her with Frank Hardy.

12.) Dustin actually is shockingly right about what to look for in a date, but wrong about who Steve should date. Obviously Steve should date Eddie, who is off somewhere safe this season aka not existing.

13.) Okay Will does DM in season 3 for the first time. But Mike was the DM before that.

14.) Max and El are being Nancy Drews. <3 <3

15.) The only consistently good visual in Stranger Things is the Void that El finds people in.

16.) I just realized the entire group would benefit from a group chat or a Discord server. Would do them all a world of good to be able to be like ‘FYI looking into insane rats’ and others to be like ‘FYI there’s a missing cheerleader’ and for Will get to be like ‘FYI my friends are dicks and somehow this feels like the worst thing that has happened to me because I’m a child and losing friends actually is worse than going to a Hell dimension’

17.) Neither Steve nor Dustin know what an evil Russian looks like. Also Dustin doesn’t know how to fake a phone convo.

18.) The code gets translated episode 2 and cracked in episode 3. I swear every new season makes me realize how bad the Duffers are at pacing.

19.) Nancy really doesn’t wanna have a conversation about how this will get them fired. I love her and her big damn hero complex, I really do, but she’s gotta learn not everyone else is middle class enough to afford to do that.

20.) Oh finally Hopper has an adult conversation about his feelings. We needed more conversations like this.

21.) Will is the only person Mike readily apologizes to without being prompted. But also they totally forgot about hiw little spot in the woods.

22.)I forgot Will destroys Castle Byers. Oh this is actually really sad. Oh bud.

23.) There is clearly a light switch at the top of the stairs to the basement and no one uses it so is it broken or did they just ignore it for effect.

24.) Steve is such a pouty puppy in the rain. They are all absolutely soaked. ALSO ALREADY ROBIN AND STEVE HELD HANDS. BEST FRIENDSSSSSSS.

25.) Hopper got attacked by a Russian in the lab. Forgot about that. ANd by attacked I do mean got his ass kicked. Steve and Hopper have solidarity over being the protector and also occasionally getting the ass beatings of their lives.

26.) El just broke into Heather’s house. Also everyone was very stepford in there.

27.) Oh Billy got to see backstory of El looking bitchin’. Fun.

28.) WILL’S SPIDEY SENSES ARE TINGLING AGAIN.

29.) Well, I forgot they straight up drug the mom but knock the dad out with a wine bottle. I’m confused as to why they didn’t just drug both parents because both were drinking wine, but I guess they decided it was more dramatic? Anyway, I feel bad for Heather, not for Billy

[musingsofabookworm1]

My Last 12 Reads

It’s been awhile. Over a month. Still reading! Just burnt out from the end of the school year. Legitimately burn out. But it is summer! And though I expected I’d read fewer books than the last few years, I actually read more with my total from end of last school year to this totaling 132.

So here’s a big recap!

Rainbow Black by Maggie Thrash - 5 stars

The Goodreads summary states that this book is “part murder mystery, part gay international-fugitive love story”. And it is spot on! The book moves through 20 years between Lacey’s youth and present day. Her youth was turned upside down after her parents were thrown in jail. Kids from their day care made accusations linked to the Satanic Panic in 1990. I loved this book so don’t want to divulge more. Just know that the writing is top notch. The character development is solid, and the plot will make you want to keep reading. One of the best I’ve read this year.

The Girls We Sent Away by Meagan Church -- 4 stars

This one got a little long in the middle, but it was very much worth the read. This book is set in part of the 60s known as the Baby Scoop Era. Protagonist teen Lorraine Delford lives in North Carolina with her parents. She is smart, ambitious, and has a boyfriend: who dumps her after she becomes pregnant. Ashamed, her parents send her to a maternity home. At the home, Lorraine meets girls from many walks of life and quickly becomes close with a select few. The emotions I felt for Lorraine and the girls she came to call her friends ripped my heart out. This novel is timely...which is excruciatingly sad. In related news: vote in November!

Biography of X by Catherine Lacey - 3 stars

Great concept. Mediocre execution. Even though this book is about X, X is dead. X was a writer and an artist. Her partner realizes upon X’s death, that she really knows nothing of X’s life prior to the beginning of their relationship. In the book, the United States has a portion split off after World War II known as the Southern Territory, and X's story via her partner gives us part of the history along with the history of X herself. Some parts of this novel were excellent, and I didn’t want them to end. Those were mostly parts of X’s family. Others were so drawn out and seemed to last forever. Dialog is limited which always turns me off. Average, at best, for me. 

James by Percivall Everett - 5 stars

This was the best of all the books in this post. It is Huckleberry Finn told through the eyes of Jim AKA James. It keeps the events of the original in place but brings Jim into a new light. I will keep it at that. Two thumbs way up for character development making a plot that readers know very much engaging. An absolute must read! I’ll definitely be looking into more of this author’s work over the summer.

The Book of Love by Kelly Link - 3 stars 

This three is rounded up from two and a half. At 628 pages, I should not have stuck with this one. I didn’t like it overall. The three teenage main characters open the book in a high school classroom after disappearing a year prior. Everyone has accounted for them as dead at this point. But their high school music teacher has joined them and knows something about the convoluted story about where they’ve been and why they’re back, and it has to do with magic.  Said teacher uses magic to make it seem like the three had been away at a European music camp for the last year and have simply returned. But the music teacher isn’t the only one who can use magic. Magical figures come into the teens’ lives: some good and some bad. There were some good parts. Some good relationships amongst characters. But overall, too many characters, too long, and even though the last 100 pages were enjoyable, it wasn’t a good read for me overall. 

The Gathering by C.J. Tudor - 3 stars

Easily my least favorite of Tudor’s books. Which I usually love. The book is set in Deadheart, Alaska where, for the last twenty-five years, the locals have lived alongside a community of vampyrs. Twenty-five years ago, a vampire killed a local. Now it has happened again. A detective who specializes in vampyr killings comes in to determine if this was a colony killing. If she finds it is, a cull will be called for. The former sheriff, whose life was turned upside down by the last killing, teams up with the aforementioned detective to find out if it is truly a vampyr killing or a murder. This was a quick read, and I don’t mind a vampire book. But this one, plot-wise, just didn’t do it for me despite enjoying Tudor’s writing style immensely.  I did read this one in one day mostly on my deck in the sun. It was a nice taste of summer in mid-May!

Children of Refuge and Children of Jubilee (Children of Exile Series #2 and #3) by Margaret Peterson Haddix

I started this series around spring break, and then a plethora of library holds descended on me, so I didn’t get to these as soon as I wanted to. The end of the first book in the series took a turn I did not expect: what seemed dystopian turned sci-fi. The biggest turn in these two novels: the narrator changed for both. The second is narrated by a friend of the first. The story does pick up just after the first. The third does the same regarding the timeline but is narrated by the sister of the second narrator. It was really difficult to go to the third book from the second due to the narrator switch. I kept thinking the narrator was the second one rather than the third. The first book was the best of the series, but overall a mediocre middle grade read. Very drawn out and minimal character development. But thumbs up for world-building. 

Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See - 3 stars

Everyone loves this. I did not love it. I liked it. I liked the beginning. I liked the end. The middle dragged for me. We meet Lady Tan in 15th century China when she was just a child. After her mother dies in the first chapter, her father leaves her to be raised by her grandparents. Though women are of no use besides being vessels for children (male children ideally), Yunxian (title character) is lucky that her grandmother is one of the few female physicians around, and she begins to teach Yunxian about medical practices to help women. But her life takes a turn due to an arranged marriage. Her new mother-in-law forbids her from practicing medicine to help the women of her new family and household. Then a mystery crops up. Women must help other women (hence the circle) to survive. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the foot-binding. Despite not being blind or unaware of this, this practice just blows my mind any time I encounter it. And this was no different. This is not a historical period I love to read about, but I’m sure for readers that do, it’s a solid (not average) read. 

The Phoenix Crown by Kate Quinn and Janie Chang - 4 stars

Scrolling through Facebook on spring break, I stumbled upon the fact that Kate Quinn had a new book she’d co-authored. How did I not know this? Thanks to a Target gift card in my wallet, I ordered it immediately. But, again, with library holds coming in fast and furiously, I had to set it aside. It had a bit of a slow start, but after the first 100 pages, it really picked up. It takes place around and during the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906. Chapters alternate between Gemma and Suling. Gemma is a singer from the Midwest trying to make it big. She’s come to San Francisco to live with her friend who’d moved weest before her only to find her unexpectedly gone once she arrives. Suling is a Chinese immigrant seamstress. Their paths cross, of course. I’m going to leave it at that, though. The plot will be much more enjoyable as it unfolds during the reading experience. Give it some time, and it’ll get better than the slow start!

And We Rise by Erica Martin - 5 stars

This is YA book of poems touching on a number of pivotal events in the US Civil Rights Movement. Accessible. Emotional. Beyond my expectations. Fellow teachers: check this one out. You could probably use at least some of this in a lesson about poetry or history. 

Midnight on Beacon Street by Emily Ruth Verona - 2 stars

I had this one on my Kindle. I needed something short before my next hold came in. It had poor Goodreads reviews. They were deserved. The writing was not good. At times it was too simplistic, and at other times, it seemed like the author was trying too hard in this slasher-movie-esque plot set in 1993. It opens at midnight with a young boy standing in a pool of blood then goes back a few hours and works its way back to this scene.  Teenage babysitter, Amy, is watching a twelve-year-old girl and six-year-old boy. Her boyfriend shows up with his asshole brother and brother’s girlfriend who make her feel uncomfortable. This is followed by some mysterious phone calls and another uninvited guest. Lots of references and nods to the slasher film genre which was pretty much the only good part. 

[forensicated]

01x11 - The Sweet Smell Of Failure

(I'm really starting to show my age (aka: way old before my time!) all I can hear when I hear the Thames Television sting before TB is the very old clip of 'Here they are now, Morecambe and Wiiiiiise' to the same tune.)

A spiv-like character, Bloomfield, is hanging around the courts, watching everything that's going on around him. He is spotted by an old man (a regular court 'audience' member) who tells him he got a good result just getting a £600 fine rather than prison time given his form. When Bloomfield tells him to go away - but not that politely - he tells him his father would have turned in his grave for 'pleading to a bit of handling'. June spots it happening and asks him why he did plead guilty as he wouldn't usually - especially as the person he stole it from never noticed any issues with their stock. He just smiles and claims he did it because 'he was nicked by a bit of crumpet'. June sees straight through it and realises that he pretended to the judge that he was an honest trader who made a mistake rather than a DelBoy like seller from a suitcase without a license.

Bloomfield has a proposition for June. He asks her what will happen to the perfume now the case is over. She says it'll go to the importer and be destroyed. He tries to ask her to sign it back to him under a fake name with him offering her £500 to keep quiet. June won't have a bar of it and walks away with Bloomfield muttering that he has a lot of money tied up in it.

Taffy passes a message to June from Dave who is currently on a Hendon course. He can't make their date that night and tries to rearrange it for the next night. As if she's not having a bad enough day Roy requests her company! When she's gone upstairs, Bob asks Taffy why Dave is standing June up and he tells him that Dave has a ticket for the West Ham match. "West Ham?" Bob scoffs. "Even if it was Arsenal I know what I'd rather be doing!"

Upstairs, Roy is meeting with the importer of the perfume that Bloomfield was arrested with. He is concerned that it's a fake that could net the fraudster several thousands of pounds, even when he's selling it at a quarter of the price of the original. Aside from that it is the worst copy of the perfume that the importer has come across. The importer considers that Bloomfield himself might not even be aware that the perfume is fraudulent and that he could lead them to the counterfeit perfume makers.

Ted is unimpressed that he's having to type up all his own reports - especially as the secretary has called in sick. He's snowed under with work, three more biggish jobs have come in on top of what he already had and he's not sure he's going to have the time to get to them. Roy is typically sympathetic. "You're going to have the find the time, even if you're here till midnight!" He asks if he can have a temporary typist come in and Roy smiles. "Come off it, Ted. A bit of typing won't hurt you, it'll stop you from frightening people on the streets."

Roy attends Bloomfield's flat with June and Jim, sending Jim around the back incase he tries to escape. Bloomfield thinks his luck is in when he sees June, thinking she's changed her mind...

"Alright, Johnny Boy?"

"Should have bleedin' well known you'd be behind this somewhere!"

Roy has a nose around Bloomfield's front room, unnerving him before asking what he thinks about Frank Bruno. Bloomfield claims he'll be a world-beater with a bit more experience. Whilst he's distracted and stands up, Roy sits down in his place and changes the subject to the perfume, telling him they're going to take him back to the court and get his conviction squashed because the perfume is counterfeit.

Bloomfield tells Roy he paid a lot of money for it with June adding that he's been done up like a kipper. Roy tells him his new charge will be 'obtaining money by deception' which is obviously a lot worse and would likely land him in prison for a stretch and get him front page news and make those people who bought the perfume come back to try and get their money back. Bloomfield tries to push his luck and claim that June did him 'a favour' not taking it further and that 'it wouldn't be fair to make trouble for her' and that a handling charge makes it seem like the gear is "straight... bent but straight" so he asks Roy what else can be done. He asks where he got it from and Bloomfield insists it was a man in a pub he'd never met.

He says he'll tell them about the firm responsible for a string of burglaries at high-end houses and asks to speak to him alone. Roy allows Jim and June to leave before pouring himself a glass of Bloomfield's scotch while he waits.

Outside, Jim and June talk about how Jim did well and June calls them a double act - or treble act with Roy. She says that before Jim knows it, Roy will have his eye on him for CID and that he's even starting to talk like him. "Now listen, Sunshine!" Jim jests, just as Roy comes outside. "Now listen, Sunshine," he says, warning Bloomfield he'll be back for him if he's been feeding him a line. "Bloody pigs!" he shouts after them to keep face with his neighbours.

Jim asks Roy if he believes what he said and Roy says Bloomfield's back is against the wall and they are his only way out. He suggests Jim and June stay in civies the next day and look into it as 'good experience'. They're both booked off for tomorrow and Roy says it's tough. "You shouldn't have joined if you didn't have a sense of humour. You part-timers..."

Ted, now sporting several cuts and bruises, is dictating a report to Mike who is typing one finger at a time and mocking his spelling. "Come on, you went to bloody grammar school. Let's see you spell it without a dictionary!" Mike picks up a pencil and writes 'lodgings' on Ted's notepad instead of 'accommodation'.

"I suppose you think that's funny!"

Bob storms up to Roy's office. Roy picks his phone up immediately and starts ringing a telephone number "Anything I can do for you Bob?" Unfortunately for Roy, there's no one in so he has to listen to Bob who thunders that he took two of his lads off duty, "One lad, or can't you tell the difference anymore?" Bob isn't amused and continues that it's Jim and June's day off tomorrow but Roy has ordered them to come in and he's not happy about it. Roy shrugs and says he can't spare any of his officers and it's 'one of those things'. Bob shouts that Roy is just covering himself and if it was a decent job that needed doing urgently he'd manage to find a detective then. Roy asks if he's finished and Bob thunders that if he wants any of his officers in the future he has to speak to him first.

Roy growls back that they're supposed to be cooperating and fighting the people outside not each other. He doesn't give a shit about reliefs or departments, and asks if they're doing the same job or not? Bob glares at him and storms out, leaving a sneaky Roy smiling behind him. I'm pretty sure he also blows him a subtle kiss...! Ted shouts after Bob after his storming out sends a load of papers he'd sorted falling to the floor.

Jim and June are given a storeroom above a shop by Doctor Legg Mr Lee so they can watch. The problem is they're being stared at by a load of armless naked mannequins "They're very law-abiding." Doctor Legg tells them.

Jim has a particular way of moving them that gives June the giggles. Perhaps this is where they really fell in love, 20 years before they actually give in to it!😂

She's also amused that Jim's casual gear is a full suit rather than jeans and a comfortable shirt. He admits that, if it comes to nothing, he hopes to take her out for lunch. She's about to agree until he asks if Dave would mind. Still smarting from Dave cancelling on her June scoffs and Jim puts his foot in it. "... Well it was a cup match! West Ham... he had a hell of a job getting a ticket... have I said something wrong?"" "Just wait till I get my hands on him!" June scowls.

Bang on 10am, their suspects leave the cafe opposite as Bloomfield said they would. As they leave, we see an even creepier sight than the stock room. Atomically correct naked mannequins based on little children in the front window! 😶 I know it's the 80's but they really should have thought through the staging! Jim and June watch an elderly couple slowly make their way out of the alley nearby with a shopping trolley in hand. "You've got to be joking! That pair? Bonnie and Clyde?!" June laughs. She thinks they've been had over but Jim thinks they should give them a tug. They follow the couple through the market, having to really dawdle given the speed of the pair. June even kisses Jim's cheek as they look into a jeweler's window.

They continue to follow the couple arm in arm with Jim breaking away to look at a magazine in a hurry when they look round - unfortunately for him it's a Woman's Own!

Roy ignores Bob as he arrives for the morning with Bob making a dig about being short on manpower and asking if he can borrow some of CID for the weekend. "Get stuffed!" "You know, us being on the same team and all." Roy glares back at him, telling him he's got enough aggro from Ted having had a punch-up in a pub.

As Jim and June turn a corner, they appear to have lost the old couple. Thankfully it turns out they were just a bit quicker than them. June is now starting to suspect that Jim was right given that they dragged the trolley from the High Street without buying anything and where they are is only houses - and expensive houses at that. "This is the area where all the screwings [burglaries] are happening." She poses as a potential housebuyer with Jim to avoid being caught out.

The old man is standing outside a house and keeping watch. The old dear joins him from a house, pulling her trolley behind her. She helps him up off the wall and they continue to walk back along, stopping outside another house where she sits him on the wall again before disappearing inside with her trolley. Jim and June make a run for it to get to them as the old lad tries to blow a whistle, "Naughty naughty, Grandad!" June chastises, managing to stop him in time.

Charles appears in Roy's office and asks if Jim and June have gotten in touch. Roy had forgotten all about them which displeases Charles given the overtime. He drives around the area they last reported that they were heading in, amused to find them sat on a wall with the old couple. He lets them load them into the back of his car to get them back to the station with Jim in the back with them. June tells him their address - it's right underneath Bloomfield! Roy warns them they're going to search the flat and that they're in big trouble if there's anything there that shouldn't be. When they head over, their entire flat is absolutely jam-packed full with all sorts of stuff that they've stolen over the decades, including a police helmet. Wonder if it's Bob's that was missing in Death Of A Cracksman.

At the station, Roy asks the woman, Lily, if there's anything in the flat that isn't stolen. She stays quiet before asking to speak to Roy. "You're a real gent you are. Let me whisper in your shell-like." He sits beside her but doesn't let her whisper. She asks him not to charge her husband because it's all down to her. Lily says she'll give him the SP on the dodgy perfume if he doesn't prosecute her husband. He promises that he'll have a word with the judge for both of them if she tells him and promises to speak up for her husband especially. She whispers for him to take a trip down by the docks and he should find exactly what he's looking for.

Roy sits in his car with June and tells him that arresting Lily and her husband has disturbed him and brings back bad memories but he doesn't elaborate on why. He quickly covers and says she shouldn't take him confessing that as a sign of weakness and covers that Jim is taking too long. Inside Jim gives Taffy a note to pass on to Dave - it tells him that June is aware of what really happened to him the night before and the real reason he canceled the date! "The message reads the Ides of March are upon you! He'll know what it means.... no it's not Dylan Thomas!" Taffy growls before being told Dave's already left! Taffy tries his best to locate him, calling around the section house but he's stopped by Bob who asks him to do some checks for him and then tidy the place up. "That's your last chance, lovely boy!" he sighs, binning the note.

Roy drives deep into the Docks before Jim locates a lone car. Roy parks behind it so it can't move and they then go looking for a warehouse with signs of life around it. Eventually they find the right one and creep in, the noise of an electrical generator covering their movements. "If anyone asks, we're Board Of Trade Inspectors."

Finally they can hear a man singing Karma Chameleon and move into the room. ... It just so happens that it's our old friend Bloomfield. "Oh good, it's the little lady..." he says on spotting June, trying to make out they have an arrangement. Roy doesn't believe it for a second. "... Can't win 'em all, can you!"

Roy leads Bloomfield in as Bob processes the old couple. "Got you at last have they, Auntie Lil? About bleedin' time!"

"If it isn't nephew John. Fancy meeting you here." Lilly crows before whispering to Bob. "Here Sarge, don't give him bail. He'll have it on his toes, you mark my words. Black sheep of the family he is!" Jim is confused because it was 'Aunt Lil' who shopped Bloomfield, and Bloomfield who shopped Aunt Lil! Families!

Bob and Roy meet with Brownlow who tell them that overtime is becoming a problem for both departments. Bob reminds him that they had three marches and a massive football match in the last month alone and Roy reminds him he's short on men full stop so has to plug the gap with overtime. Brownlow tells him that he doesn't want to discuss it - the overtime has to be cut. His phone rings straight after and he starts to discuss a golf match instead, signaling them to leave.

Dave shows off to Sadie, the barmaid at the station local, about his Hendon course, making out that it's all secret squirrel and need to know. Still unaware that June knows the truth about cancelling their date the night before, he buys her a drink as she appears. "Good match was It?" she asks, pouring her drink over his head after he gives her a gift of the very counterfeit perfume she and Jim had been working on all day! Dave's utterly confused as she walks out. "What the hell have I done now?"

And this is the end of series 1! It was supposed to be a 12 episode series with The Chief Super's Party as the last episode but wasn't finished by the time it should have been aired because of the industrial dispute between Thames Television and it's technicians.

Instead, The Chief Super's Party has some rewriting/reshot scenes to cover cast departures from between the two series and became the end of series 2 instead.

[therealriver1]

Part 3/4 continued from the previous post. Due to text block restrictions I am forced to do divide my post like this

⦁ Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters 2013 (A twist on the old tale of Hansel and Gretel) ⦁ Ninja Assassin 2009 (I was watching this before I even knew Jung Ji-Hoon aka Rain was a k-pop idol and I just thought the ninjas were so badass) ⦁ The Orphan 2009 (Isabelle Fuhrman the actress who plays the orphan was phenomenal in this role, very creepy) ⦁ The Island 2005 (An action/sci-fi film from Michael Bay starring actors Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson) ⦁ Beyond Re-animator 2003 (It's so bad it's good! There are two previous films in this series adapted from H.P Lovecraft. I'd suggest you start there. This won't be everyone's cup of tea, you will either love or hate it) ⦁ Aquamarine 2006 (I watched this in the cinema with a group of friends in my school days and it was such a fun time) ⦁ This Means War 2012 (I just loved watching Tom Hardy & Chris Pine together) ⦁ How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days 2003 (The chemistry between Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey was so good to watch) ⦁ Rush Hour 1988 1-3 (I cannot believe this movie is already 36 years old! Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker were so funny) ⦁ The Mask 1994 (A looney comedy starring Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz) ⦁ Shallow Hall 2001 (A movie that teaches us that beauty is more than just looks) ⦁ Two Can Play That Game 2001 (All the ladies need to watch this one, but I'm sure the men will enjoy it too) ⦁ Boat Trip 2002 (A fun comedy starring Cuba Gooding Jr and Roselyn Sánchez. I've got to say this one is definitely not kid friendly) ⦁ King Kong 2005 (The Visuals were stunning! This movie was made by Peter Jackson the same man who gave us TLOTR and The Hobbit Series) ⦁ Simone 2001 (Starring Al Pacino. If you've heard about this then I am impressed) ⦁ Revenant 2015 (Intense and full of suspense. I couldn't stop looking at the screen waiting to see what happens next) ⦁ The Gods Must Be Crazy 1980 (A fun story showing the difference of how the Bushman lives compared to modern man) ⦁ Liar, Liar 1997 (Jim Carrey plays a lawyer who is a pathological liar in this zany comedy) ⦁ Django Unchained 2012 (From director Quentin Tarantino comes a great western that you cannot skip. I saw this one with my parents and all of us enjoyed it) ⦁ Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging 2008 (Adolescent film that doesn't feel like it's PG13) ⦁ Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 1997 (Just for laughs! Mike Myers from Shrek is hilarious in this film) ⦁ Maid in Manhattan 2002 (Who knew Voldemort and Jennifer Lopez had such great chemistry. All jokes aside it is a great rom-com) ⦁ Kings Ransom 2005 (Starring Anthony Anderson and Regina Hall. I've got to say I thought the whole cast was funny) ⦁ Undercover Brother 2002 (You are in for a good time with this one. Another fun comedy to watch to lift your mood) ⦁ Codename: The Cleaner 2007 (Okay looks like I have quite a few comedies on my list. Starring Cedric the Entertainer & Lucy Liu) ⦁ Along Came Polly 2007 (Another fun comedy starring Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston) ⦁ Dracula Dead and Loving It 1995 (An underrated vampire parody comedy from Mel Brooks starring Leslie Nielson) ⦁ Banditas 2006 (Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz rob banks in this western style action-comedy) ⦁ The School of Rock 2003 (I'll always come back to this film. I cannot recommend it enough) ⦁ Alpha 2018 (Wolf alert! I repeat, this movie contains wolves) ⦁ Spanglish 2004 (An amusing comedy film starring Adam Sandler) ⦁ 1408 2007 (Room 1408, a horror mystery starring John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson adapted from a Stephen King short story) ⦁ End of Days 1999 (A dark horror film filled with suspense) ⦁ Heartbreak Kid 2007 (This movie had me laughing out loud) ⦁ The Sleepover 2004 (A fun teen movie about friendship) ⦁ Maid of Honor 2008 (Who doesn't enjoy a good friends to lovers' trope. This rom-com features a young Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan) ⦁ Who Am I 1998 (Another Jackie Chan film that I still think is funny and will always watch again)

⦁ Bridget Jones's Diary 2001 (A great cast with a great plot. I thoroughly enjoyed this one)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Writing advent calendar 2023 Day 8

Prompt: Ginger Bread

Aka: The gang bakes ginger bread together

Read on ao3 or under the cut:

As Christmas was approaching, the Jam and Roller staff needed to make ginger bread to hand out for free to customers. LOTS of ginger bread.

Simón, Nico and Pedro realized they needed help. So, Simón pressed the first person he thought of.

"Hi, Luna! Wanna help us bake ginger bread?"

"Absolutely!" Luna replied.

"Good! You don't think you could help recruit some others?"

Luna stared at the kitchen wall and started screaming. "ÁMBAR!"

"Ayy, you don't have to yell!" Ámbar sighed, walking inside the room. "What is it?"

"Youwannabakegingerbread?"

"Speak slower."

Luna started to jump, saying each word between each jump. "Do. You. Want. To. Bake. Ginger. Bread. For. Jam. And. Roller?"

"Uuh... I don't..." Suddenly, she gave her a smirk. "Actually... I haven't got anything else to do at all. Sure, let's go."

"Yay! I'm just gonna call Nina, Jim and Yam and then we'll go!" She immediately called Nina. "NINA!! Oh, sorry, I forgot to turn off my calling-for-Ámbar-voice."

"You have a special voice when you call for me?" Ámbar asked. Luna just shooed her off, trying to concentrate on the phone call.

Soon, practically the whole Jam and Roller team came over to help. Luna, Ámbar, Nina, Jim, Yam, Ramiro, Gastón, Matteo, Delfi and Jazmin. 

"Welcome, my dears!" Nico exclaimed, pretending to be theatrical for some reason, "Let us head... to the kitchen."

They all went to the kitchen, where a mountain of ginger bread dough, flour and cookie cutters were held.

"No way, you have roller skate cookie cutters?!" Luna asked, impressed.

"We sure do," Pedro said. "Although, putting the shape on the plate without it breaking is HARD."

"I can imagine. The nicest cookie cutters are the ones the hardest to make look nice."

Simón leaned into Ámbar. "I'm surprised you're joining in."

"Honestly, I'm just here to watch Luna burn the kitchen down."

Simón raised an eyebrow. "Ok, Ámbar, I'm gonna tell you something. Luna may have burned every food she makes... but baking ginger bread? She's a natural!"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah. She's never burned them once. The only bad thing is the shapes not getting as we wanted after we put it inside the oven, but that's not her fault."

"How can the shapes get wrong? Don't they look like they are shaped to look like?"

Simón smiled. "Ámbar, have you actually baked ginger bread before?"

"I mean... no, but..."

"Then you don't know how the dough can be. It betrays you."

Ámbar scoffed.

"No, I'm serious," Simón said. "You'll see."

Everyone started to bake. Jazmin wanted to record, and thus could not get her hands sticky, so she just flinched around.

Gastón, Nina, Delfi, Pedro and Nico were chatting with each other, laughing and just having a good time.

Luna was very concentrated on making shapes. Matteo came up to her.

"Wow, you're really getting into it."

"Mhm."

Matteo smirked. "Can I just give you some advice?"

"What?"

"Try to get the dough as flat as possible, it still looks thick."

Luna looked at him, slightly annoyed. "I know how to bake ginger bread, thank you."

"Ok, because I have been taught to make it really flat as that is the correct way to do it. So I am just saying this to you as some advice so that you know."

Luna did not ask for this "advice", and she really disliked when people just came to explain to her something that she was sure about already knowing. Especially when it came to roller skating or cooking. Her mother always told her that you should never tell someone how to do something in their own kitchen. But because "he was trying to be nice", she just gritted her teeth. 

Luckily, Simón noticed this.

"Hey, Matteo? I'm sure your way works or whatever, but Luna's way works for her, and I know it does because I have witnessed it first hand before. So just let her do it her way, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm just saying-"

"Let. Her. Do. It. Her. Way."

Matteo seemed to have gotten caught off guard. "Alright, alright..."

Luna gave Simón an appreciative smile, and Simón nodded in response.

Jim and Yam seemed to have gotten in some sort of hypnotic state, where they only could see each other. It was like a bubble where everyone else was gone. They giggled, threw a little flour on each other and had been rolling the dough with the rolling pin for an incredibly long time. 

"Uhm..." Ramiro said, decided to insert himself between them. "How's it going?"

The girls did not reply, continuing to focus all their time on each other. Yam whispered something and Jim started snickering, and then look at Yam with adoring eyes.

"Leave them be," Nina mumbled to Ramiro. "They've been like that all day."

"Wonder what happened," Gastón said. "Maybe they caught a lovebug." As he said this, he put some flour on Nina's nose.

"Are you gonna bake?" Simón asked. He was standing behind Ámbar, who was staring clueless at the dough.

"Yeah, I will..."

She started to unsurely poke at it. Simón laughed.

"What?" she asked.

"Here." He handed her a rolling pin. "Now you hold this..." He stood right behind her, each and in front of her. Ámbar grabbed the rolling pin. Now both she and Simón held it, as Simón took the lead.

"And you roll it... back... and forth... back... and forth... now you try."

Ámbar started rolling it lightly.

"You have to say it," Simón said.

"What?"

"Back and forth. Say it with me. Back... and forth..."

"Back... and forth..." Ámbar repeated, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, back and forth..."

Ámbar giggled. 

It was time to put the first batch into the oven. 

"How long? 5 minutes?" Pedro asked.

"In my oven at home, you need exactly 4 minutes and 40 seconds for the perfect ginger bread," Luna explained. "But this oven might be different."

"We'll keep it at 5 minutes," Nico said. "I'll put it in while you bake some more."

They didn't have to ask them twice. Jim and Yam had not gotten away from each other, and the others had to quietly sneak their cut shapes on the baking sheet. They had only made heart shapes.

As five minutes had passed, they took them out.

"Well, they look great!" Pedro said, "But..."

"The shapes have expanded too much..." Simón chuckled, "They betrayed us."

Everyone started laughing.

"The roller skate shapes... they were made into squares!" Nico facepalmed.

"Wait, we can fix this!" Nina said. "Look over there!" It was some frosting tubes. "We'll paint roller skates on these squares."

"Oye! That's a great idea, Nina!" Luna exclaimed. "Although, I'm not good with frosting as it never appears the way I want to, so someone else has to do the art."

"Jim, Yam?" Simón asked. "You wanna decorate the ginger bread with frosting?"

"Hm?" Yam got out of her trance and snapped Jim out of it as well.

"Frosting? Decorating? Ginger bread?"

"Uuh... sure..." Jim said. "But we..."

"We like just baking!" Yam filled in.

"I can see that, ladies..." He turned his attention to Ámbar. "And you, miss? You need help with the frosting?"

"Actually, I'm good..." Ámbar said.

Simón grabbed the frosting and made a tiny figure on a heart-shaped ginger bread. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm..."

He grabbed the ginger bread he just decorated, and then tried to feed Ámbar with it. Ámbar opened her mouth, eating it. 

"Mm... it tastes good."

"Yes, it does..." Simón said rather seductively. 

As they finished, they put all the ginger breads in boxes, to serve them later.

"This went really well!" Pedro said. "I was so worried it would turn into chaos!"

"Same here," Nico admitted. "I'm glad it didn't."

"It was... surprisingly fun..." Ámbar said. "Maybe I can... bake ginger bread... again... sometime..."

They were about to leave, when they noticed Jim and Yam still chatting up by the table. Everything was cleaned off, they just had not gotten away from each other's gazes.

"Leave them be," Gastón whispered to the Roller Band. 

Like 5 minutes later, Yam suddenly looked around the room.

"It's empty... where is everyone?"

"Where they even here?" Jim asked. "Wait. Did we bake ginger bread? Where is it?"

"I'm so confused! Did we just dream this happened?!"

"Well, if it is a dream... I'm glad you're in it."

Both started laughing again.

Who knew what was going on there.

No, wait. Everyone knew. They were really obvious.

It's never specified if it's a kitchen at Jam and Roller or at the Roller Band's house, or a random kitchen somewhere. You just have to decide for yourself.

[sixshotsinatumbllr]

Here's my husband (aka the real owner of the cafe's) responses to whether we'd hire all these people (beings), also after watching Season 2 with me this week to work out wtf we were even talking about

Aziraphale: No, sadly I don’t employ him because he gives too much stock away. Also, unlike celestial beings, if we buy book for retail sale, we need to actually sell them not to go broke. 

Crowley: I actually think that me and Crowley would get on like a house of fire, but neither of us would get very much work done, and we’d be a bad influence on each other (much like Zai and his in real life bestie that comes in every day and sometimes work together and nothing ever gets done then either, except a lot of beers get drunk- OP)

Azi: No, sadly I don’t employ him because he gives too much stock away. Also, unlike celestial beings, if we buy book for retail sale, we need to actually sell them not to go broke. 

Crowley: I actually think that me and Crowley would get on like a house of fire, but neither of us would get very much work done, and we’d be a bad influence on each other (much like Zai and his in real life bestie that comes in every day and sometimes work together and nothing ever gets done then either, except a lot of beers get drunk- OP)

Nina: agreed

Gabriel: nah, he’s a dick. I’d probably get into a fight with him and ban him from the shop before he even manages to apply for a job. 

Jim: (just looks really thoughtful for a long time) Nah, just say nah, I can’t  handle people being that stupid

Beez: I think she’d be a good fit by the end of their character arc. 

Famine: I’d buy a token one item of Ciao each week just in case I need them in the future

Furfur: who? 

Maggie: see nah I find Maggie a bit irritating

The Metatron: I completely agree, he looks like a pain in the arse customer. Can see it coming. 

Rating Good Omens Characters by whether I would employ them in my IRL cafe or not.

Aziraphale: 100% would employ. He'd be on service, taking orders and running them out. Also, we have a small retail book corner, which I am currently failing at making work, so Aziraphale can also get that going (he'd be great at sourcing books, not so great at selling them). He is not allowed to perform his magic act though, which makes him sad. Sorry Azi.

Crowley: Absolutely yes. That (infernal being) knows their coffee. The ywould be a shit-hot barista. Sadly, they get fired after a week because the only person in my life that is snarkier and grumpier than Crowley is my husband (the actual owner of the cafe, I'm just along for the ride). They get into too many arguments and Crowley quits majestically. But we really appreciated the handful of times they yeeted someone off into another dimension when they were difficult customers.

Nina: Obviously. She has the experience for the job (unlike probably all the other characters); and she has the personality for it. She'd be the one that gets all the good gossip from the customers and be able to handle it be stupid busy. She'd be our number one reliable employee. My husband and Nina would also fight and snark but they'd both feel refreshed by it.

Gabriel: NAH.

Jim: Also NAH, but we'd probably put him on for a week of work placement through a job placement agency to help him out a bit, because he clearly needs it. Unfortunately, he becomes a liability because he drinks too many hot chocolates on shift and that costs us too much in stock.

Beezlebub: I'd really like to, but the council food inspector won't allow it with all the flies that come with zir.

Famine: I think Famine would be a food rep. These people come around from food wholesalers to introduce us to new products. A lot of these seem pretty questionable. I reckon Famine's taken Ciao on the road after the Notpocalypse for something new to do. He's a very polite and enthusiastic rep, but we politely decline his products. The following week, a critical potato shortage hits the market and we have trouble sourcing good quality chips, a key menu item in the cafe.

Furfur: I wouldn't give him a job even though he appears to have a solid set of organisational skills, because he personally irritates me. But then he becomes a regular customer, coming in for a large cap everyday, pays in the low-denomination coins, takes up an entire table of six for two hours, and then asks for a bag of coffee to be ground in the middle of the lunch rush.

Maggie: she'd be in charge of the playlist. (at least, after Crowley quits in a fury, up until then he'd hogged the spotify and dictated all of the music- and miracles it to continue even when he's not on shift. There's slightly less Queen than there is on our playlist currently). She'd be a day barista one or two days a week. I reckon Maggie and Aziraphale would be the Monday server/barista duo.

Every now and then, the playlist gets possessed for a few hours and none of us can do anything about it but let it pass and see what Crowley's digging musically these days.

The Metatron: Absolutely not. In fact, he's banned from coming within 500 metres of us and our oat milk supply.